My Time in the Islands: The Day After A Breakdown...

~Table of Contents - Aside From The Daily Post of Cyber Diaries~

1) What I Have Learned ~ Time To Tell ~ Time Will Tell
2) Luminous Poetry
3) War After Water
(A Dream I Had In Alaska in 2006)
4) November 4th ~ Still Summer For Me

~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~

5) Megan's Word of Encouragement*
6) What I Missed and Wished for the Most*
7) The Day I Let Tears of Regret Fall From My Face
(A Reference to the Truth Razors and Angers of November)
8)How It Would've Been
9) My Everyday is Worth 10,000 Words
(A transcription of my life in the Middle of November When I Flew to the other Side of America for someone I Felt All Along)
10) Coki Beach and Sandy After*
11) December ~ And Before I Fly Home
12) Subtle Beauty ~ All at Once ~ February
13) My Fourth Night at the Beach ~ My Tropic Solitude ~ A Water Bed
14) Chronic Crum and King Mera
15) Questions From a Lunar Aquarian Named Caleb
16) Sekou! And Codes of Compatibility
17) Zeal, Thee Ideal, & A New Consciousness ~ A Response to the Concept of Whats Rational and Whats Not.

18) ~~~~ * GoodBye St. Thomas * ~~~~

19) ~~~~~~~~~ Imagine ~~~~~~~~~

"Come to me, all you who are weary...
And I will give you rest."

Mathew 11:28

Something I Learned From a Spirited Fellowship

Maturity is seeing the future results of present action and doing what is necessary to make it right.

I guess that is the story of my Endless Summer. At least on my side of this portal anyhow...
I kept my conscious clear. Had nothing to hide. Was genuine the whole time*

~Love and Pain are one in the same in the eyes of a wounded child~

Plato Says

There are as many souls as there are stars, and each soul is originally allotted to a star. The souls fall to earth and become embodied, resulting in the experience of passions, but if they are able to master their emotions and love justice, they are sent back to their native star*

(Timaeus 41d-42d)

The Mayans said that art is the best healing medicine.

He took her by the hand and said, "Talitha Cumi." Which is Latin for "Arise Little Girl."

My Uncle Rick Told Me Something From a Hospital Bed On The Night Of Christmas in 2009

To Who Would Follow God in Another Time or Place

****

I have often imagined that if you were with me for a lot of these realities, all the time I see or imagine these possibilities, I'm quite sure that if you were with me here, as I watch a lotta super-social tropical energy, I'm quite positive that you would fly up out of yourself and feel more free and wild than any Goddess child ever known. The fun, thrill, and limitless amount of good times are so far beyond doubt and fear... Or what could be imagined within Southern Oregon.

(Sometime in September or October of 2009)

After I Got Back!!! I Went Home In November butt Returned to St. Thomas and Found... (Wow) : ]

A Cyber-Social Structure that actually made me feel GOOD again!

Megan, I Love You*
I Just Got Back In St. Thomas and Until I Came Down from the Clouds, I Was in the Sky after a time I had Cried. This is the way the first day of being back ends, you say to the world in such blessed regards of me:

If you were to play hide and go seek with Justin Crum, where would you find him?

"I have no idea these days, Jamaica, Ireland, Ashland?? He is turning into a world traveler...."

You Just Lifted the World Off my Broke Shoulders*
Quite the inspiration Megan. Thank you so much K~ It Was Dark and Gloomy for a While...

Monday Monday
November 23rd, 2009
(After I flew back to St. Thomas to Finish My Semester and Complete My Children's Book)

The Purpose Driven Life*

There is no growth without change,
no change without fear or loss,
and no loss without pain.
Pain leads to growth... Or so it was said...

Rick Warren

Sir William disclosed his definition of God*

"God is simply a force. A force that triggers creativity or creation in general."

~I like that~

All I ever dreamed of was abandoning the 9-to-5 life, living tropical fantasies, writing books, and escaping the real world for really remarkable chances and adventures. Thanks to my parents and someone special to me, I actually was able to live it. No one else went to Ireland and the Virgin Islands on the same year 2 near-death experiences occurred. I thank God because the Lord lined me up for such blessings. If the choice was mine, I would have brought a loved one with. Anything is possible.
I guess I consider myself that proof.
I'm still here.

I Thought This Was Crazy...

This was only an assignment from SOU. My professor asked me to write a poem that was deriving from having a radiant entity behind me. He meant to have us create something as if a luminous ghost was behind us working through us. He meant to put us up to transcribing the best I guess. He was looking for something out of this world. Poetry Professors... Ain't They some shit?

When the reflections is bright, I can barely see.
That type of light can blind any kind of confusion.
Complacence, solitude, wonder, and optimism.
Cast it to one worth nothing less than magic.
Abandon the real world for the fiction of our fancies.
Warm water on a bond of mutual madness.
Then sadness became a retired anchor cut from our travels.
Everybody wants a confidant.
The reflections bright, The possibilities deep.
Sleepless world of wonder so care-free and personal.
Passion promised in time, Patience came too late.
Who goes there stays, Heaven came near.
The stars became brighter one by one.
We will all have wings one day.
I’d take on the world at once.
The waterfall fell from where all would tell.
How could good be with held from huge hearts?
An angel is faith’s ultimatum, an action is an answer.
The moon is full in one week, and I am nocturnal.
Come what ever may, Wait for warm rain.
Alleviate the silence, unlock the Lion.
Being the only acception, see through the reflection.
Documents of what is once-in-a-world.
Waters just as tropic and exotic as the notion of freedom itself.
The animals welcome what otherwise is never known.
Everyday is an adventure, not a struggle.
The word burden vanished in the mist.
My wishes granted to me from one world away.

(That Good Man From Nazareth)

Anyways, I wrote of something some time shortly after 2008 began more than a year or maybe two ago. I just found this in another other internet book and I thought to myself how crazy it must be that something I wrote of only a year or two ago is somehow true in this point of my life. I only meant to satisfy my courses. Little did I know, a lot of what I thought several seasons ago is a reality here and now. From some imagined deity speaking through me? Mr. Muhammad made me do it. It was only if he Wanted It To Mean The Most.

War After Water... (Written In Alaska in 2006)

In this dream, existed an island with an eerie aura. At the beach, people occupied a vague presence during a bright day. There was something subliminal about this island that implied war. As frightened as I was, I didn’t stick around to find out why. Out of fear and anxiety, I wasted no time in my escape to a new lagoon. And before I found a new land, as I was swimming to a new destination, I realized the most bizarre truth- Humans from separate directions were migrating to this island, underwater. It wasn’t a school of fish I was swimming through or against, it was a school of naked humans floating underwater seeking the island that I was the only one to retreat from. Maybe I was the only one that knew about the warfare that was inevitable there . The inevitable warfare that awaited once those underwater ones migrated.

Justin Crum
(Copyrights 2006)

~Today~ November 4th... Still Summer 4 Me....

All my Irish Friends Got Ahold of me. They Showed Me Pictures of what my life was like in July. The time of July in the Summer of 2009, it was one of the greatest and craziest times of my life.

"I felt the best and worse things of my life in 2009."

I found out about even more things in Ireland I never knew of. They were such a thrill to talk to. They really mean to keep in touch so much. They thought I was sum shit : )

They had acronyms about my last name. And alias' and implications. A lot of them asked about a friend I had in my Ireland book. I told them that we are friends but I flew away twice so things kinda had to resolve themselves later I guess. But in a really awesome way, those friends in Ireland kind of knew more about how I thought and felt through out the time of those days anyhow so talking to them was just as company and comfortable to me as those at home that I guess know less. Kerry and Lisa were always badass and of all the people who kept me close to the most greatest regards, there will be more pictures for the times that may have occupied 7 of the greatest weeks of my life... I'm pumped about it.

Madame Guyon

"It is the Fire of Suffering that brings forth the Gold of Godliness."

Rick Warren Says,

"God has a purpose behind every problem."

"Music is the Strongest Form of Magic."

Marilyn Manson

And Jason Wade (frum lifehouse) Says,

"... And if this night won't let me rest, don't let me second guess what I know to be real."

And when I got reprimanded by cathedral people in Ireland for wearing a bandanna in the church, I told him my favorite passage out of the Bible ~

1 Samuel 16:7

"So I'll Run and Hide and Tell Myself I'll Start Again With a Brand New Name. And I Succeed Into Infinity."

30 Seconds to Mars

"A Lot Can Happen In a Few Days."

Woody Knebel

"The People that are the Hardest to love are usually the ones that need it the most."

The Peaceful Warrior*

"Don't you lock up something that you wanted to see fly"

Chris Cornel

"Every Situation is a gift! It is designed to make you smarter, kinder, and more fully alive. It is a gift ~ The key is to understand how it is to you."

Ax's Friend Shelby*

"Tearing Down Windows and Doors and I Could Not Find Eyes Like Yours."

Shakira

"Theres a place I see you following me. Just a taste of all that might come to be."

Breaking Benjamin

"Your Meditating with me Justin. Thats so sweet."

"Could it be that the greater someones experience of dark would balance that in which their experience of light? The darker their experience, the more powerful / the more potent their light? Maybe the lightest of the light beings have more of a darker battle to overcome."

Christina

***

"Nothing Happens the same way twice my dear."

He told Lucy in Narnia

Prides like a knife, it cuts deep inside
Words are like weapons, they wound sometimes.

Cher

"Your Stabbing me through you. You're Stabbing you through him. And betting most of this world."

Chevelle

"Cold Silence has a tendency to atrophy any sense of compassion."

Maynard

"I think the ability to know how to live with an honest conscious is probably the most powerful thing a good man can live with in a wicked world."

I said this to Ax and his friend Shelby on a night I walked across town for some company.

1-3-2010

"What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger."
(I Don't Know Who Coined It)

Everything Happens For a Reason...
(Some Things Didn't Have to Happen the Way They Did Though)

St. Thomas Misses Me...

But Home is Grace and Time and Space has me Wishing for serenity, in case.

"There Comes a Time When Your Whole Life Boils Down To One Really Insane Move."

Avatar

(I Guess For Me, It Was The November Skies. Instead of taking myself off the Map, I decided to let electronic currency take me home. It was some kind of self-fulfilled prophecy I wrote of in 2003 about a Tropic Goddess conceived named Vida Eve. A Breath of Life in a rainy November night.)

"He walks with a purpose, in his sneakers, down the street. He had many questions, like children often do."

Dishwalla

"What Am I Running Frum?"

Someone Who Seeks Truth through Hardship*

"Don't Take The Easy Way Out."

Noah

"I know, I know, when I compliment her she won't believe me.
And its so, its so, sad to think that she don't see what I see."

Bruno Mars

"I See The Stars In Your Face and the Islands In Your Eyes..."
"A Part of Me Died When I Cried In Peurto Rico."

Justin Crum

"Instead of being sad and letting go, you could've stayed excited and went for it and I would've made it easy for you."

If I Could Do It All Again, I Might notta went...

But I would have never known what it was like to run in warm heavy beautiful rain. I would have never known what it was like to breathe under water. I would have never been interviewed for a commercial out of Manhattan Media in New York. I would have never been invited to the Virgin Island Radio Station. I would have never found Heaven on Earth - Thus clenching my personal proof that it is a place on Earth. I would have never learned about the Culture of Brazilians, which became the example I exert blissful wishes with... And for. I Would have never known what it was like to swim in warm water while it was actually raining. I would have never met the type of people in the Caribbean that appreciate me and embrace me for who I am, rather than the mainland America that seems to pass me by. I would have never known that I am the type of person who decided to love through hurt. I would have never found the music of a Caribbean Pirate and a sweetie island girl. I would have never met the governor of the Virgin Islands. I would have never known KRUM Bay was the harbor that generated power to the island of St. Thomas (which is the second most corrupt place in the United States).I would have never known how much the faculty of SOU was truly there for me when I came so close to throwing my life away in November. I would have never known what it was like to drink RUM on a tropical beach both on a warm night and day. I would have never pet an iguana in the wild for an hour. And finally, I would have never got my invitation to Dominica.

I'm lucky to be livin' and I'm lucky I'm not in prison***

And I Never Wanted to believe that every prayer I purged, all the faith I've felt, all the tears I've cried, everything I seen with my mind's eye... I never wanted to believe that it was all for nothing because that equals a terrible sadness. I pray someday that I can stand corrected. Maybe be reassured that my hopes aren't dead if my feelings still live.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

The Day After A Breakdown...

I woke up, and checked myself into counseling. I guess I just needed someone to talk to. Andrea Hamm Was That Person. I just have been rendering a lot of isolation and culture shock. I haven't had anyone to talk to. I don't have all the contacts from the numbers I owned in my old phone. Therefore, I cannot talk to the people I am close with at home.

Before my breakdown though, I made a very radical decision. I chose to fly home for 10 days before this time here in the islands is up. My reasons were of my own. I was expired here without her and the only way I could regain my sanity and security was the notion of possibly seeing her once before my semester here is over. I missed her so much that I cried my eyes out on a tropical beach alone under the moon. I listened to 3 Libras as I rendered all these mental montages of the sweet passionate happy moments we shared before I came to St. Thomas. These memories and imaginings made me so sad I cried because after all this time I haven't talked with her at all, it hurt my heart to assume that she didn't care about the majestic laughter and passion we shared. My eyes were so full of tears and me spending $800 just for the way I hurt here without her was something that didn't make sense to my mother. I actually heard my mother cry for the crazy choices I processed. Most people believe it to be a waste of money to afford to fly to Oregon and back. No one knows I am going to go there though.

I felt better knowing that I would be going home. As soon as I made the decision and processed the flights, I suddenly felt right again.

Now I have something to look forward to... Perhaps all will be well once I can tell why I had to fly home just to know the things I need to. And to do what I'm going to.

No comments:

~Mars and Venus~

Centuries before the Martians and Venusians got together, they were happy in their own separate worlds. One day everything Changed. The Martians and Venusians on their retrospective planets suddenly became depressed. It was these mutual depressions that motivated them to come together.

When the Martians became depressed, everyone on the planet left the cities and went to their caves for a long time. They were stuck and couldn't come out, until one day when a Martian happened to glimpse through his beautiful telescope. As he quickly shared his telescope, the sight of these beautiful beings inspired the Martians, and their depression miraculously lifted. Suddenly they felt needed. They came out of their caves and began building a fleet of spaceships to fly to Venus.

When the Venusians became depressed, to feel better they formed circles and began talking with one another about their problems. But this didn't seem to relieve the depression. They stayed depressed for a long time until through their intuition they experienced a vision. Strong and wondrous beings (the Martians) would be coming across the universe to love, serve, and support them. Suddenly they felt Cherished. As they shared their vision their depression lifted, and they happily began preparing for the arrival of the Martians.

John Gray

The Stars Said It, Not Me...

Justin Crum -

August 18th, 1983

Sign appointed from the Sun - Leo

Sign appointed from the Moon - Capricorn

I Appreciate the finely tuned mechanics of sifting through facts and information, finding the truth of the matter, introducing order and reason into almost any situation. I am fixed in opinion, but not so inflexible that I won’t change my mind upon careful review of oppressing facts. To me, the cardinal sin is to be ignorant of ones ignorance.

I magnify the importance of a petty detail and then become resentful if others fail to see its significance. Work is important to me and I probably will accomplish a lot… Often I am at war within myself, both wanting things to come easily and needing to achieve solely through my own efforts.* Control - both of self and of events - makes me feel secure. As it turns out, I could possibly gain through my own hard work as opposed through the influence of others.

~Places I Can Say I've Been To~

Ireland
Belfast
Dun Laoghaire
Trinity College
Galway
Cliffs of Moher
Giant's Causeway
The Carrick-a-Reed Bridge
Coole Park (of Lady Gregory)
Jameson Distillery
(Where I was Certified for Being a Whiskey Drinker in Ireland)
Phoenix Park (One of the 4 Largest Parks in Europe)
Derry, Ireland
Belfast Castle
Trim Castle
Dublin Castle
Dunlace Castle

Boston
New York
New Jersey
Atlanta
Seattle
Bay Area
L.A.

St. Thomas
St. John
British Virgin Gorda
(Nature's Best Kept Secret)
Puerto Rico
Magen's Bay
Red Hook
Trunk Bay
Drunk Bay
Cimminin Bay
The Mermaid's Chair
Francis Bay
Savanna's UnderWater Caves*
Sandy Bay
(A Private Paradise Billions will never know)
Coral Bay
Coral World*
Saba & The Flat Cays
Saphire Beach
KRUM BAY

Thanks Megan*

I am an internet spy, I read blogs, look at pictures and pay attention to posts!!...LOL... That is how I know what is going on in your life, however I managed to miss out on your snowboarding injury until I saw your pictures go up, I am so glad that you are ok... I know that you are an emotional person so you will understand when I say that I will always have a special connection with you, the whole Justin and Troy thing in how I met you, the fact that you knew my mom makes her still real to me when I see your posts or pictures it reminds me that I am not the only one who can verify her life, when you shared about your baptism and why you chose to follow the Lord it really impacted me and here I am today walking with Him and you had a very big influence on that...there are so many other things here and there but you mean a lot to me whether I talk to you a whole lot or not, I follow what you are up to and pay attention!! You are a very special guy and I know that the Lord is not done with you and has awesome plans for your life!!

Of course you can share anything I shared with you, my life is an open book thanks for asking though....I have learned over the years of loss and depression that when you are moved to share something that will only encourage, bless or affirm positive things and love that you should say it sooner than later because you never know when you will get the chance...I have had people share encouraging things with me right when I needed it most and they had no clue and I recall being so thankful for their perfect timing...sounds like maybe the Lord had me share with you in the same way...like I said you have a special place in my heart and I have so many good memories of a not so good time because of you....Where did I run off to when I had my emotional breakdown after Justin died? Your house, you guys fed me, let me use your shower, sleep in your home, you all stayed up and talked to me and treated me like family...although it sometimes seems like a strange movie I watched over and over and that it was not really my life I remember it well and despite the trauma of that fall there were moments of peace and hope, thank you for helping me to have those few moments to hold on to....

By the way where are you right now? Ashland?.... Where is your next adventure planned?

Today I Read a Letter I Wrote to a Friend in Belfast Ireland. Before I Came to the Caribbean~

12-5-2009

~What I Miss and Wish for the Most~

I'm one man that knows that life never goes according to plan. I Read something I wrote at the end of July when I was a 3rd of the World away in a Place where literal Magic Exists. It was a letter I wrote to her when I was in Ireland at Belfast.

I know most of the things I have wrote to a friend that I was thankful for are probably things that I read more than the person who actually received them. I just feel good on behalf of myself for disclosing such ideas to communicate, which meant the best blessings. Not all things that are the greatest rewards come easy to someone like me. I could tell there were things I wish I could do just a bit differently.

Communication is the key to the greatest vaults between two people who are better than any treasure possibly found even in the Caribbean of all places.

Belfast Ireland is a place where Narnia was created. Narnia is a representation of Heaven. My use of that word in internet dimensions that are 'positive' secrets actually has to do with the way I view a place I called home in Southern Oregon. Ashland to me, during the winter season, is what I refer to as Narnia. Some would argue that Heaven is a place on Earth. I am adamant about acknowledging the Mountain I almost died at as a place I call Narnia because within my own person, I realized that snow could glow and I could cry just trying to think when I'll be able to see it fall onto the place I wish for serenity at. Snow in itself is one of the most beautiful things I am going to see even though as most who follow my life might know ~ I'm still livin' up Summer for as good as it could be to me. I found new music that activates my soul.

And for a friend who is taking on internal introspective reflections, I read Day 16 in The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren and it reminded me of the essence of my Rising and Saturn sign: Virgo. Astrologically, Virgo represents purity and purpose. To think of a friend at home that I've known in ways I'll remember forever, I found that Virgo is of purity and purpose as the Purpose Driven Life is a reflection of a lesson that I will hold close to my tattoo. That lesson was in Day 16 of The Purpose Driven Life. I could be someone who might not know if these fruitful intentions actually go through though. I gave up battling Greek Gods because I myself have realized that they only hold so much power over me.
The soul would have no rainbow if the eyes had no tears*

I am more so about trusting God to let faith take me to places I have never seen or dreamed. It will take a lot to restore all the things I have wished for. I do not know what life will be like after a few weeks. Snow will show itself. I missed the things a friend helped me feel. The most powerful and inspirational thing in the world is love and a modern America acts as if it is something to fear or neglect.

Home is a Tear-Jerker.
Is it also my Favorite Song too: )

What I Have Learned... Time to Tell. Time WILL Tell.

I Saw The Giant's Causeway and Nature's Best Kept Secret in the Same Year after I chose to live
when I could have died.

I wrote an A+ paper on The American Revolution.
I wrote an A+ paper on The War on Drugs.
I Wrote an A+ paper on Psychotic Disorders...?

I think thats sayin' somethin' in itself. And of literal dreams...

I have learned that 'The Dream World' relays things to me that I sometimes would rather not know. But what is more intriguing is that different places of the world stimulate dreams differently. I have been to Alaska, Ireland, and The Caribbean and they all have had significant dreams that do not seem as if they could occur the same way back at home. I am pretty tickled by it too, except when they are bad or terrible. What I think is an interesting idea or wish, is if we could be granted the privilege to convey certain things through The Dream World to people we would mean to. I have had literal sleep-dreams come true in reality at times ahead of when they were first dreamed. The terrible ones hit me too hard so I am choosing to example one of my favorite dreams that I found to be stunning and beautiful. It seemed like fiction and it was just 4 mornings ago.
Carl Jung was some shit : )

There was a Giant Butterfly that seemed like the size of 2 or 3 feet, with a foot-and-a-half wingspan. She was orange, yellow, and blue. She wasn't afraid at all. She enjoyed floating around me so much that her wings began to glow a little. Like faint gold sparkles that fall slow like glitter. That was an interesting dream because that giant butterfly of such particular size and color, she was careless and easy-going. It reminded me of
The Ulster Cycle.

The reports, the dreams, there were other things I learned too... Lamont met me for the first time since October 24th when I went to the Roosevelt Park and created a Children's Book called, 'Irish Island Pirate Crum.' Lamont never knew he was going to see me again. I never knew I was going to see him either. He stopped the car that brought him as soon as he seen me. He got out and we began to speak and catch up as it hit us that it's been a month and a half since we ever met for the Photography about Community Grants and Chances for Children's Books to be brought to the Fore. This was at Roosevelt Park in the Virgin Islands by Waterfront. He told me he had a lot to send to me. We also related with particular things we accepted recently in life.

I also gave up on Polytheistic ideologies. Not that I ever believed in them as much as I understand them. I guess my Good Spirited Brother Tony helped me to realize something about myself. He said, "Your a man who likes to seize his destiny with his own hands."

Upon remembering that awesome day we went and ate in Medford while I was home in November, I thought to myself, 'In a way, sometimes.' I literally defied advise from Astrological suggestions. Some people call those horoscopes. It seems that once all the haunting worries or things I became madly curious for were known after going to the other side of America back home, I no longer cared to let tarot stars provide me with an impression of things I otherwise wouldn't have known. I became someone who got out and saw the world. I had every possible obstacle weighed against me and I felt much more than I can explain after doing so. Some of the best and worse things one can imagine."

I gave the Paradise Fellowship Pasteur a history lesson on what wasn't admitted into the the Bible. He was quite entertained. My Brother Celestino was like, "Your TEARING IT UP CRUM" :) I felt more tears falls out of my face than any other year I have been alive. I saw many Private Paradises that billions will never have a chance to be at. I heard many people world wide say a lot of the same things about me. I found out who's really there for someone like me when it might mean the most. I found a Bay here that is named the same as the Life I lived in High School. I discovered Nature's Best Kept Secret on 11~11 of the year I almost lost my life. On the night before the Remembrance of the Columbus Storm, I felt the explosive energy of my Uncle that is incarcerated forever. My Mother is a Doll. I remember the Father's Day card I gave my Dad when I was 14 years old in 8th grade. Summer... Winter, Spring, Summer... I will not feel the season of Fall at all until before 2011. I never got an Autumn. I am looking forward to Home, though it is not quite the same.

"Books Are Doors Into The World We Never Knew."
Anny

The Day I let Tears Of Regret Fall From My Face* I Culd be a lot like You*

Sometimes I don't realize how powerful my words or actions are. I have realized this today but it was something I have always thought of my own Father. My spirit felt weary so I took myself to a fellowship. I realized a lot at the End of this month. I let tears of regret out of my closed eyes as they all realized who I was. I will try so hard to never let my anger get the best of me. I wish to God I could've refrained from demanding the heaviest things I ever have in my life. Perhaps it is through painful truths that people can grow and take on a better evolution. Or even a new existence. A way to be saved from the clutches of previous problems that are worth being retired. It is something I have realized for myself, as I know people could benefit from it much in the same way I have. I thank who I never knew while I was away. And I realize that I have to think of the things I say. Like all people who feel the results of some of the hardest things in life, there were moments I wish I could go back in time and think about some of my actions before reacting instantly. It was never easy to think the world of something at home at the same time I was seeing the world for myself. For the time I was gone, I lost something I was so thankful for. And I guess like Jason Wade, I kinda feel like I'm somewhere in between a lot like he did when he wrote a song called 'Trying.'

It dawned on me that all the things I felt in the beginning of my time here, mainly a lot of the songs I felt when I first got here, they all were a reflection of my fears and frustrations. I was assuming something I knew nothing of just because I felt so terrible for the situational adversities I experienced here when I first arrived.

I have become someone new. I believe in what I really want though it became something I didn't have a chance to grasp. Here I am thinking of Christmas and December which is only days away, yet it still feels like summer. I am ideal through the moon. It is full when I find the revival of what once was lost. This is a positive outcome for a positive thought.

(This honestly came from the deepest most positive part of my heart. I was admitting that I felt contrite the night I was too overwhelming, and it set her off when I meant for it to get her going. I meant to be supportive and instead it caused me to feel loss... The Butterfly Effect.)

How It Would've Been

Not only would we have survived as an item*

~We would've went swimming in the Caribbean Sea~

~We would've took fresh water showers for hours~

~We would've danced at red hook~

~We would've went to Coral World with a $2 safari ride~

~We would've drank Rum smoothies on Coki Beach~

~We would've went island hopping to St. John~

~We would've laid on Magen's Bay~

*You could've came with me to the British Virgin Islands and saw the caves and the Baths for $80 in November*

~We would've burned bowls in the Jungle~

~We would've went night riding to Sapphire Beach~

~We would've journeyed to the very West Edge of St. Thomas where Paradise Resides*

~We would've had coffee at Lattes in Paradise~

~~It would've been the time of our lives~~

In October, I paid $800 to see her, not to leave her.
She confided in someone else instead though.

~10,000~

~My Every Day is worth 10,000 Words~

~~~

~~~~~~~

11 ~ 15

I Went and Walked into Lithia for the First Time. I Haven't Heard a River Run Since August and I never Felt the Premonition of a winter instantly, when a hot tropical summer was only a week ago. It was the end of all that falls before Autumn turns to winter. I damn near cried at the thought of snow. Became worried about certain family matters. I showed the only art I've drawn since I was a kid. Irish Island Pirate Maps of the U.S. Territories. I seen all the leaves in the Park and it kinda helped when I felt an idea of what life will be like in a few weeks. It was cold, a thick moist mist through a colorful fantasy-like park. My doctors saw me breakdown about some of the things that has happened for me. They, as well as I... I realized there wasn't one other soul in the whole world that could've felt the things I have in these recent 8 months. I explained that it was unlike anything to travel to 2 of the greatest places in the world then have things occur between that leave magic silent. They almost considered a second medical withdraw because of all I've had to handle. At SOU, they were ready to argue it systematically for me for the sake of my well-being. The choice was mine but I decided to follow through and fly back even though I went overboard about losin' it a bit, right in front of them. I realized I am gonna meet the president, finish my children's book, find the Mermaid's Chair for real, write my report for Machiavelli, and try and hold it together for at least another 3 or 4 weeks. Though I still never know about even tomorrow of all things.

I drove to a Klamath River at night when I was in Ashland on Monday the 16th. Computers temporarily ruined the most human things I had at one point. I watched the end of the World the next night on Tuesday with my Brother Dan. He always was about lookin' out for me. I appreciate that at home, of all places. That was 11~17. 2013 is something I knew of when I was 14, 12 years ago. I knew who I meant to be protective of when things test people's character fer what were up against. A lotta catastrophic truths are going to force people to choose what they would wish to do as far as what would be held onto or let go of. At least me and my friend Cassandra thinks so. I came home to Bandon. I got a gun pointed at me in Bandon on Saturday the 21st, the day before I flew back to 'Island Anarchy' a week after I got back to Oregon. I thought it was funny. Someone showing their second amendment because they were residence at a place I thought one of my brothers lived at that he apparently no longer occupies.

Both home at Bandon and Ashland doesn't seem quite the same. But my parents are hilarious and they are so much fun and laughter to be around. So much that I forget about my anxieties and tempers of the day before. I was overcome though and sleep wasn't something I could even wish for after feeling that way because my wheels were turning way too much to consider neglecting those emotions.

My grand mother is in the hospital. And I actually got to see her walk for the first time in years. That helped my heart a lot. I am her first grandson. And my cousin Heather Callaway really seems to have a plan for herself. A lot of my friends from home here in Bandon have went their own ways for a while. And I'm glad I got to see my mother become happy about some of the possiblities she has come across. She is so happy, young, maternal, and right. She is a blast to be around. I think I'll be able to see Shore Acres again for the first time in years. It was such a place of spirited magic during the Christmas season. Quite a gorgeous array of lights in nights of winter wonder anyway. I thank my college colleauges, advisors, and doctors that have helped me with my medical resolves* And I caught up with my good spirited Brother Tony from a fellowship. He told me one of the most fantastic stories in regards to mine. It was quite a blessing to eat some lunch with him and speak of some of my travels and ambitions. He knows faith all too well.

~I'm off to fly back to St. Thomas~
11:45 AM

After Coki Beach on the 7th...

I Got Back and sat at the Cafeteria to eat some food. I was very faded and drinkin' water and I sat next to the table where my most recent friends sit. I told them I was eating water to prevent a hangover.

I got tired of them blastin' music in the dorms I'm supposed to call home (as if peace and quiet is anything I'm entitled to when I need it most) so I took my pillow and went to find a different place to rest on campus. Any place quiet, cool, and uninterrupted... A place I could wake up on my own naturally at... Without being woke up by someone else before I can even dream. I called Sandy.

I hadn't talked to her since she got in a car accident. She never knew about my accident. She was talking to me and ways I ain't heard in a while and I told her I was at the 2nd most corrupt place in the United States and that sometimes this place isn't what it seems. Though sometimes it's better than what it seems. I told her I already met evil island people and that there are creeps and freaks here. I told her how I dealt with everyone of them too.

"Justin, your crazy. Your really risky."

I told her, "I know how to handle chaos or danger in most modes but I am the only one that considers the University's Beach a Safe-Haven because every single person I have ever told about how I go there at night when I'm emotional, they all say not to do that because it's unsafe."

"Justin, be careful. I heard about the case of Natalie Halloway."

She was true since 1998. I went and slept in a place that may have been forbidden. I woke jus to find some kinda descent rest. Then, for the second time, Hells Bells... A walk to the edge of it all. A time of silence and elements. Then a spooky walk home.

Then the next... Nah... I better not say about the next night anyway. I don't like cages and conditions that are a lot like feelin' Sleepless in Seattle.

December, Before I Fly~ The Yellow Brick Road**

Hebert Man....

I got flashbacks of Hebert that I got stoke as hell about. He reminded me of the rapps he used to bust out in High School with me. We ate some mushrooms and I broke numeric codes and found out everything about each and every president on an American Money Currency bill.

I have planned to Hike Mt. A. with a friend in 16 days. I have unfinished business with a place I survived. I talked to my Irish buddy from Seattle that I was in Alaska with me in 2005. He told me, "Damn Crum, 4 years ago you said you'd be doing what you are now... It's awesome."

"What did I say KON, come on : ) I can't remember much Alitak flashbacks. What did I say?"

"In Alitak you told me you wanted to get out of Bandon, see the World, and go somewhere."

"In 2005?"

"Yeah man, you went to Ireland and the Virgin Islands. Its the life."

"HAhahAAA, you make me feel good Sean. I didn't remember I said that... I musta been 22"
:)

I spoke to him on the way back from the airport. I concluded my every flight errand and side stepped it to Limberry bay on the way back to UVI. When I got home, I actually began to draw for the second time since I was a little boy. I Listened to a song on repeat: Dishwalla ~ Counting Only Blue Cars. It reminded me of childhood Bandon days and Ireland Adventures.

I seen ahead about somethings. One full moon ago, I was at a place where I took a photography picture and titled it: 12 Nights before the Full Moon. I realized that would be just before Christmas. I couldn't even imagine what that word or season might feel like right now.

I talked to my Family. My Sister, my Mother, and my Dad. They were in Seattle. Watchin' the Hawks. I got emotional about how much I miss my parents. I met an islander woman who was curious as to what my parents might be like. They were amazed to know that they were really young.

The Forth Night at the Beach. My Tropic Solitude~ A Water Bed~

I Went and walked to the beach. My Beard, Bandanna, my Virgin Islands University Sweat Shirt, and my IPOD.

I walked to the beach blastin my music about being Young and Undead. I looked at where I was. The moon is close to being full again. So the night glowed well. It was passed midnight. No one else here goes to the beaches at night because of the danger and risks that are affiliated with it. I go when I want to though.

As I was there, I felt so much energy within me that my soul was a lot like an inferno. That music exerts an aura of me that is very powerful and alive. It turns out, as I was there... There were very thin clouds spread below the Moon. So in turn, though it was passed midnight (passed 9 in my hometown time) it was still luminous with a beautiful light that was casted to the Caribbean shores from the sky. I went swimming for about a half an hour. I fell asleep in the water and let my body float close to the bay. I laid down and submerged myself into the water that was a few feet deep. It was better than a badass bath. I also swam down a little ways and back. After I set up a water bed, I rested with my head relaxed at the sand. It felt better than anything I have enjoyed on my own since I can remember...

I as I was getting ready to go back to Campus, I cut my foot open on some rocks. As I was walkin back to the road on my way to the residence, I also walked on broken glass. I just laughed at it. It was funny too. I felt the music that illuminates my person. It was a point of focus.

A lot like people go to a church or a fellowship, to pray or give thanks, they always do so with other people.

My idea of connecting with God and giving good energy in hopes that it's returned.. I choose to go to the Universities Tropical Beach at night and begin to confide in a higher friend... Someone above me that loves me in times when I'm forgotten back at home by those I wish to be close with. It is quite amazing. I gave a wave of thanks and appreciation for how far I have brought myself even though it meant that certain things ended as so much more was gained...

I felt the best and worse thing of my life in 2009.

Chronic Crum & King Mera

A Euphoric interpersonal moment from one of the ones who knows me the best here. Knows me so well after only a little amount of time. We had a moment where we found out how deep and true we both really are.

I spoke to him of how I found God a year after he found me. As I explained how the Bible came together, as well as a lot that was left out of it; He seemed to be the only one I've met that knows some of the things I was talking about with it all.

He felt a spirit behind him after he seen a shooting star, he turned around like a cat had greeted him. No one was there. I told him it was just energies and sudden rushes. I began to embark on what happened in 2000 with me. I explained how a lot of Revelations are coming true. He asked me to never change because he could tell that I wasn't like everyone who is always indifferent.

King Mera said, "You are some one who knows yourself well and you can sense things for what other people can't."

He said he was going to miss me more than anybody he's seen here in a long time. He wants me to come back already...

An Assignment From Professor Paris* This is Published in St. Thomas in an Anthology from U.V.I.

Questions From a Lunar Aquarian Named Caleb

Who Would Be Artificially Composed For All Those Fantasies and Insanities?

Why Would You Choose To Run To The Stars and Away From The Scars?

When Would You Welcome Something That Ate You Up?

What Would Turn a Person into a New Being?

Where Would The Consistent Amount of Things Beyond and Above Reside?

How Could The World Become Something You Knew Nothing Of?

Who Would Laugh at the Fire of Truth? : )

Why Would I Swim in a Lotta Tropic Aqua and Go Home To Narnia?

When Would the Lunar Moon Signs align and grow?

What Made Me Feel Compelled as I held my face To the Machine and felt the things that hurt as much as I just cried happy?
(Perhaps a Soul that became Collective after I Ran from something then became something that was one to Run from as time became distorted)

Where would the Garden of Lights be in December?
(Acres for a Shore in the Fantasies beyond these Ashland happenings)

How Could I believe in the fore sights I’ve seen and excuse them as illusions?

Who Would Show Water to Fall from their eyes after they might realize what is gone?
(Me. A Lunar Aquarian who took the world into my hands and lost a world at home to do so...)

Why could I make such an impact on people lives in the Caribbean but feel common at home?

When would I find a peace of mind that is embraced for the sweet sexy support of some foreign discovery?

And After traveling to two of the greatest places in the world,
What caused me to spring my new life into the chances of adventure that millions of people never could of, even as they would wish to?

Where would the location be that I see a future fairy tale?

How would the place I was born and raised be where I seen a distant face?

Sekou!!

Professor Sekou was speaking of marriages and how so many of them have become undone. I’m from a really rare chance and statistic in life so I hold values that are very synonymous with Dr. Sekou’s scholarly views. He said that historically and culturally the man was to always be strong and provide as a woman may be caring. Yet he acknowledged that psychologically, there has always been natural subconscious defense mechanisms that surface as certain things become harder to handle.

I spoke and every one in the class watched me.

“That isn’t just culturally here for these islands alone Sekou. Hasn’t it been historically taught that women were always secondary and subservient? It was true since the canonical launch of the new testament because if Mary Magdalena's Gospel was included into the 27 admitted into the Bible, then women would have been seen as equal or even exalted. But Athenansius blatantly excluded that book from what was selected for that volume. And when I was in Ireland, there were courses I took as I found out about how ‘long-ago millenniums’ revered women because they were considered spirited warriors. They held a ‘peaceful intellect’ that contradicted ‘Divine Right.’ They were spirited warriors that were not inferior. They held feministic wisdom that lead to better reason. And like Thomas, Jesus told Mary Magdalene things he did not tell to anyone else. In the Celtic Legends and Dreams, women were of a stature that didn’t depend on men.

In These days though, your asking for my ideas on what I think of it now but culturally, here in the Caribbean, I've had my own observations of the women here and it is not the same as the mainland women at all. Or a significant portion of American women any way."

A Woman from across the room said, "This question is for him." Then she looked at me and asked,

"What is the contrast? What is your observation of women here in the Caribbean?"

I answered because I appreciate it when people just ask. "I've always known growing up from home and just being aware of things in general, that in the mainland America where everything is industrial, everybody is evaluated by what they possess or what they have. Such a ridiculous amount of women will like guys based on what kind of car that guy drives. A lot of them really only see things for what they are not, if any would know what I'm sayin'. Here in the Caribbean things like that don't matter much. I've noticed there are some really sweet, subtle people here who are the type to actually acknowledge me while I walk by them. I don't even know half the faces as much as I wish I could or would, but I just think it's really cool when people say 'Good~Night' as a way to say 'hello' when the Moon comes up. It isn't a way to conclude the day at the end of the night when you wanna wake up in the morning tomorrow."

"He's right. I know what he means."

"I've noticed that women in the mainland, when you walk by them in everyday life, they don't bother to say hi. They won't look twice. They don't bother to acknowledge your good-hearted greetings. They won't look at you twice in the Sh*tty city with evil people. They wouldn't deem the city to be a lonely place because it's a material magic land of a lot of commerce and exploration. Here though, it is a natural geographical paradise of nature that is really welcoming and beautiful. And maybe in turn, I've noticed there are a lot of really calm, true, genuine, attentive women. they seem very courteous and curious."

They busted up and Sekou jus started smilin'.

"The culture of the women here are not as affected by industrial factors that otherwise, would influence people's actions, judgments, and decisions. A lot of people are very indifferent and they don't often think for themselves enough at home. Here though, there has been some really cool attentive people here that are very interesting and cool to converse with. Some of 'em are a lil' silly but that might be because they run as if it's chase like tom and jerry kinda shit. A lot of women of a slightly older age don't do that often at all though. Games are lame and I think Sekou is right when he mentions certain things about how codes of trust, compatibility and compassion are required or that they oughta be 'pre-requisites' because once they are obscured, everything goes to hell. And there is only certain people who can survive hell."

They all started to smile at me. It was pretty cool.

Zeal, Thee Ideal, & a New Consciousness ~ In Response To Zen & The Art of Motorcycle Maitenance.

I’ve been bias to assume that those who are insane just happen to be a portion of a higher consciousness. A lot of people never care to consider or believe what an insane person perceives. Instead, they associate the condition of insanity with “illness” and then approach patients accordingly. Such treatments are practiced with medicines and counseling. I’d argue that if most people had a “personal understanding” of the patients, They might discover in themselves new layers of knowledge, ambition, and validity. There is reason to what the insane may see or perceive. It is reason that is often overlooked or ignored due to how “normal” people are not susceptible to such logic. Some of the most brilliant contributions to science, philosophy, and history belong to people who have experienced insanity. Some examples are the German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche, the mathematician John Nash, and Martin Luther King Jr. And before Christopher Columbus’ voyage that lead to discovering a “new world,” many believed that nothing was beyond what they thought to be true. When this was proved otherwise, people had to assume a new outlook, even though it was irrational. This new outlook is comparable to the new consciousness that is possible through those that may be insane, or beyond their own time.

Nietzsche generated philosophies in Ecce Homo that refer to the “Overman.” The Overman is a figure that represents this evolution, or higher being. Nietzsche paraphrased this character by saying, “Ape is to man as man is to Overman.”

He states, “Taking the humans species to a new or more higher state of being can never be performed by men in the mass, it is always the exceptional individuals that assert their own idiosyncratic selves. In consequence, the men who carry the evolutionary drive in them are bound to seem unreasonable to their fellows, and to be unreasonable to existing standards.”(67)

This passage supports the idea that certain individuals can seem irrational by existing standards due to an evolutionary drive others may never understand. Nietzsche’s books of philosophy are studied in universities around the world. Friedrich Nietzsche happened to slip into intense mental illness in the last years of his life. Wikipedia suggests how relevant his genius is to his last experiences during his breakdown into insanity, “While most commentators regard Nietzsche’s breakdown as unrelated to his philosophy, some, including George Bataille and Rene Girard, argue for considering his breakdown as a symptom of a psychological maladjustment brought on by his philosophy” (Wikipedia). This notion is extremely powerful. It may be that dimensions of knowledge exist in those that we lock up in psychiatric wards.

John Nash is another mastermind who made remarkable achievements while suffering from paranoid schizophrenia. The Wikipedia offers statistics of how many are affected with this condition and what it diagnosis is based on. It states, “The onset of symptoms typically occurs in young adulthood, with 0.5-1.0% of the population affected. Diagnosis is based on the patient’s self-reported experiences and observed behavior” (wikipedia). At the same time Nash battled this condition, he was considered to be a mathematical genius. In 1994, he was awarded the Noble Prize in Economics after a report he composed that changed the concepts of our economy. His life story inspired the film A Beautiful Mind. John Nash, like other people suffering mental illness, preferred to choose his own path and problems. He refused to take medication for his adverse conditions. While dealing with the battles of his mental illness, he eventually seen personal progress towards his work that came to be recognized as astonishing accomplishments. His unconventional ideas made little sense to most those who were unable to comprehend that magnitude of knowledge, so he selected his own way of channeling his extraordinary mentality. As a result, he published twenty-three other scientific studies. Years after his persistence and experience people recognized how revolutionary his works were (Wikipedia). I believe a small percentage of people who share similar psychiatric conditions have the potential to illustrate their own “beautiful minds.” This could possibly lead to new discoveries within ourselves, and what the human brain is capable of. Perhaps the era we are entering is slowly but surely evolving towards this ideal.

The book Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert Pirsig reflects on the historical times before Christopher Columbus made his great discovery in 1492. People had a limited perception of the rest of the world. They were oblivious to the accomplishments that were possible because they feared falling off the edge of the world, believing it to be flat. Columbus’ discovery of a new world is an excellent example of the results that are possible if people are fearless enough to take on things that are radically irrational. Much like sailing to the edge of the world in the medieval era was considered insane, so are the behaviors or symptoms of those that slip into mental illness. Pirsig explains, “Unusual behavior tends to produce estrangement in others which tends to further the unusual behavior and thus the estrangement in self-stoking cycles until some sort of climax is reached.”(72) This illustrates how one begins to be or feel detached from reality and the normal people within it. This is when a person stops making sense to those around him and, in turn, slips further into his insanity or delirium. However, if society were fearless enough to consider any relevance or reason from those that are simply deemed to be insane, perhaps we might realize a new found consciousness that compares to the way most people felt upon hearing about a “new world” being discovered. A passage in Pirsig’s book mentioned that if a human such as Jesus, a messiah, or Moses were to be present on Earth in this era, people would write him off and lock him up as if everything he spoke was crazy. Pirsig states that “It is a fact that if Jesus or Moses, were to appear today, unidentified, with the same message he spoke years ago, his mental stability would be challenged.”(188) I think his stability would be questioned just as much too. However, I would argue that people should see insanity from a different perspective because associating insanity as an “illness” can tend to reflect shame or pessimism toward the ones experiencing it. This creates a negative impression on things that could instead surface as amazing, ground-breaking epics.

The consequences of locking these kind of people up without understanding why is that we may never know half of what is still out there based on only our present-day knowledge alone. One would immediately assume further scientific studies in the fields of medicine for those that attend asylums. I would consider ciphering some of what is said or shown, if not only for the sake of hearing them out, so these patients wouldn’t think they’re alone. Sometimes all a person needs is someone to talk to. Those who are isolated are the first to be denied an ear. A lot of people wouldn’t go mad if the medical profession had half a mind to hear them or help them. Instead of captivity of those that are committed, I’d argue for truly considering them. Surely social work is better than brutality. I’m certain that reason and understanding is more humane than negligence and punishment. I believe that there is knowledge and validity to some of what is expressed or explained by those who are considered to be insane. And when we, as people, are willing to find out why and how people go insane from the ones who actually experience it themselves, we could possibly come across some of the answers that have plagued this issue or prevented positive possibilities.

* GOODBYE ST. THOMAS *

My Final Days Here In The Caribbean

12-11-09

I went to the last open mic night on behalf of the Writer's block. Akeem was the man who hosted it and I printed 3 transcriptions from my internet book and presented them to the French Coffee Shop people. Much of it is spoken word or expression in general. I chose to show them 'What I Learned,' 'What I Missed and Wished for the Most,' and a 'Day I Let Tears of Regret Fall From My Closed Eyes.'

I introduced who I am, why I came here, what I do, and I also clarified my intentions. As I read what I pulled from these internet transcriptions, they all looked at me with such sincere piercing eyes. They went out of their way to say that they believed me to be one of the most spirited, intellectual, interesting, and enlightened people they had a chance to meet. I gave a verbal speech regarding the things I learned from Martin Luther King. Things that were beyond his dream. I elaborated on myself and the hospitality that came with appearing here as a Pirate in the Caribbean. They got a kick out of that. A St. Thomian sister who was one of the 3 community members for the Rock Lounge in Open Mic Night the first times I was brought in hugged me and told me 'Justin, That was off the Chaaain.' They haven't heard such words pass through a crazy place like this. Apparently they always wished to hear something so truthful and radiant. They told me they haven't ever had someone display such an honest conscious. I explained my travels to Belfast. I explained my accident that almost took me from this world. I showed them my scar and tattoo. They all couldn't take their eyes off me and they became very captivated and curious. I told them the things that I learned from John Lennon, The Good Man from Nazareth, I told them about the things I lost and how it was inter-related with the things I've gained. They all were pretty struck I guess. After that moment was over, Akeem came to me and took a picture with me and told all of the Coffee Shop Open Mic night crowd about how noble it was of me to show myself in such a way.

"Yo, man, Crum came and he's is heading back home to carry on and we all gotta give him a lotta love because for someone to offer his hurts, pains, and angers in an awesome honest way that displays itself for other people to learn from, he really means a lot and we got to thank him for that man, give it up for this brothers here ~ We need more people like this soul here and we are all glad he came."

They all gave an ovation and flooded me with hugs. It reminded me of when I went to a fellowship and people I never knew had open-arms to me. So much that when my spirit was weak, they still acknowledged me.

They thought it was divine and human at the same time to admit that I am no one who was void of mistakes and that, for some of the things I have felt that could've never been told, they thought it was outta this world to speak it that I would never wish some of the things I have felt here upon anyone. I guess it was me saying that the best things in life don't always come easy for someone like me. There were times that my own words started to activate a slight flash of emotion. I couldn't believe it. They felt that I had an extraordinary soul. People in mainland America don't acknowledge such kind words. They don't have the same perception.

I told them of how I see home. Mainly as a fictional place of wonder that seems no different than Narnia that was created in Belfast. Me being from an Endless Summer to a snowed over winter could easily mean me going from tropical dreams of chaos and creation to the other side of the WardRobe just like Lucy. I spoke of my wishes. Then I carried on...

And Also

These people pass me by, "Goodbye Crum."

"You leavin already?"

"Yeah..."

I don't even know half the faces who speak to me but the people here are very beautiful and insightful. This is a cultural observation because they are not affected by the indifference that is so constant in the mainland. They all say they are going to miss me a lot and they all told me that they were really happy to have a chance to meet someone like me and they thought it to be an honor knowing me as they have. They all really enjoyed reading about my adventures and experiences. Some of them wanted to come home with me.

My Last Tropical Night Alone...

My Phone works so I called the Ones closest to me back in Bandon and Ashland.

I talked to someone I have known since I was a little boy. A man I plan to pursue music with. He told me he's down to move from Boise to Ashland to begin to see about writing material. I was stoked about that. Then I called my brother who, like me, is really ready for a change.

"Man I had a dream about you Bro. Are you alright?"

"What was that dream about? What happened?"

I told him and he said, "Crum man, me and you must have some connection. What you said was true."

Though I know I have so much to deal with in the real world and make right, there is notions of finding more in life beyond what waits for me at home. Though that is nothing specific. You couldn't go to 2 of the greatest places in this world and not wonder what more is out there. I sat on the tropical beach and chatted with my friends and my brother that night. I saw 7 shooting stars. 2 of them soared at the same time* One right after another.

Then another one soared again and I said, "And John I just saw a shooting star, you can make a wish, I give it to you - but don't tell me what it is K? Jus keep it to yourself."

"Oh my God Crum, right when you said that I made a wish and it gave me chills. How did you do that?"

"I'm not gonna say magic. Anyways, me and you, we are both in the same place in life right now and after you moved to California, I stayed in Bandon but we both seem... See, you grew up there and everyone I meet world-wide believes me to be from California anyhow - what ever that might mean. I have noticed that it is everything you're familiar with at the same time it's everything I am identified for... I guess people say the way I talk and behave is very California and..."

"Your right Crum, your like East L.A. all the way man."

He is the only brother I have known since kindergarden besides Troy. I told him that if I felt comfortable and accomplished enough to take myself somewhere again, I'd want to just run with him and go anywhere and care less. That is kind of what strikes me the most interesting is to abandon the Real World as if it don't exist sometimes. Seeing life as an adventure and knowing I could get anywhere I really wanted to permits me to feel confident enough to be beyond the places I am now. I once believed there was a beautiful girl who was looking forward to my arrival, but like all twists in life, some magical worlds are not always what they seem. I know once I step foot in Ashland, it'll only be a matter of time before I feel compelled to prove more points about where I can go. who I wished to take with me is not as determined as much as that person is uncertain. But all things happen for a reason.

I re-broke my hand in the jungle I am about to go work at soon. I am on my way home. Wondering what is in store for me and knowing that it will be more than what I expect. There is a lot of people in Ashland that are very curious about me and when I return. I am going to Shore Acres with the Array of spirited lights and Garden-glowing fantasy.

I can't wait to see me parents*

12-13-2009

Me and my boy Max from California... See, me and my brother John who I grew up with in elementary, we th0ught to ourselves how we'd love a change and that in a similar way, we were both ready to embark on something new. I couldn't go to 2 of the greatest places of the world and not wonder more of what's out there for me. He is one man who I have know since kinder garden. We both talked last night and after speaking to him from Brewer's Bay last night under the moon as we had seen shooting stars, and after I told him of the things that I have experienced and learned, we are both at a chapter where we could be wondering about things after what we are comfortable within right now. We both thought of California because it is everything he is familiar with as of the days we both grew up and then got separated apart from life's rough roads. But him suggesting something he is familiar with though it is also something I am identified by (though I haven't ever actually lived that life) we both are curious to travel somewhere we both want to and then embark on things we haven't thought possible. All it would take is faith, reliance on each other, and a way to make the drive happen for life if it can happen in time, in later days. See...

I just went to Marriot Resort. A Beach, a Bay, a Place of Tropical Night-Life 365 Summer life in White Sands... A Marriot Beach that millions and billions will never have a chance to even see, dream, or 'imagine.' Me and Max, my boy from Cali, he told me about his spiritual perspectives that are similar to the things I learned in Ireland. He told me the things his mother spoke to him of: All fetuses are living through water. Meaning that all lifeforms are born of water. This was very synonymous with what I learned in The Institution of Art, Design, and Technology outside of Dublin in Dun Laoghaire, Ireland.

He told me that his mother taught him this: "We are all born of water; who is to say that after this mortal vehicle retires itself after death, perhaps our bodies are just earthly existences for something more much like our fetus' being an embodiment for what we live now?"

I told him of how I know The Book of Revelations as the only book in the Bible that speaks or prophecies about the present point in time as well as the future.

I sat on Marriot Resort limin' with a badass bottle of Guava Rum with my new California Caribbean brother Max. We limed and pulled frum the Rum as we had talked about the scriptures of that 66th Book out of the 39 in old and 27 in new. I told him about the Great Whore that Sits on Many Waters that has made the world Drunken with her fornication. I told him about how people would not be able to by, sell, or trade without the mark of the beast - which is everything Zeitgeist, End Game, and all the world events are leading to now. A "Dynasty of evil people."

I also told him about the correlational history lesson with that Babylonian Empire being very synonymous to the Modern American Rise, Fall, and Destruction (like every historical civilization through human eras).

I also told him many other things about the final Book in the New Testament because he triggered a psychical and non psychical connection about spirited and intellectual perspectives that provoked a lot of my language. It made me remember when I was 14. See...

We were at a place I ain't never seen in my life... A place millions and billions of people would never have a chance to see, believe, experience, or witness in their lives... I know these are my last days in the Caribbean before I have to answer to the Real World all over again in an instant winter wonderland. To do so after living the most lavish dream-conditioned truths... I have realized that until the time I flew home to tell my side of things that were never known, now that I have had a chance to let truth surface and closure take it's course, I have never felt more liberated in my life. And to be at places of the world that most will never know of, I have nothing to discount or take back. I would not have changed anything at all even though it took a flight home to turn tables and create better fables.

Me and Max was blastin' by a person mashin' through Red Hook. And we were lovin' Lady Gaga while we were doing it!! :) She was very Caribbean butt in a mainland 'Michigan' way. I told her a brief 101 about my friends in Michigan from my Irish Adventures and after I mentioned Lisa Storch, it rung a bell like 'Small World' affect. So it prompted me to call my Ireland friend and after tellin' her about it all, she seemed to exert a genuine curiosity, in a straight-up way.

Me and Max spent time drinkin' a Guava bottle of Rum on Marriot Beach and after discussing how lucky we were to be where we were at, we realized that all is possible because we found ourselves to be at place in Paradise that is not like anything we have seen thus far. There is a night-life overview beyond a Mainland America that surpasses fantasy in any setting back at home. With that being said, we shot the shit about some significants. Both home and abroad. Sharing our stories. I stayed true to the things I believed in even if it contradicts High School Past Times for something more. I went and tore my shirt off and ran into the bay and swam drunk as hell like this form of fun wouldn't exist next week in the same way at all :) It was night time but I was tuned as all hell like Jack Sparrow in the Fun Island of Dominica during 'Pirates of the Caribbean,' I swam in the pool of tropical mermaid dreams and it seems like I am one person who has it all at this point in time after realizing that it was only until recently, that I truly felt 'by myself' (enough not to be plagued with somethin' undone or what remained without closure).

I explained my philosophies that had to do with rare chivalry that transcends American culture at the same time it exalts sovereignty for women from a place

America knows nothing of. The Irish and Colombian honeys got along awesome in amorous ways always because, for example, Skakira absolutely LOVED the Irish Accent.

And!!!

Shakira's Mansion in the Bahamas is only a few hours from where I am right now, geographically!! :)

I also took a track I produced last fall in 2008 that was called Subtle Beauty and went into the Studio at Haven Site where we cut tracks. I made a new song with an instrumental I created long ago. This one was more so about the approach to create something new and final for a tropical reflection of 2009. It used to be an instrumental I used as a coping mechanism to issue closure over old things that became new desires. It was amazing really. I rapped about Ireland, my adventures between things. What I think and feel. It all was such an awesome honor* It was the first time I really went for something in a studio. To know that it was the greatest studio in St. Thomas and that Lambert Media had my back about it ~ I can say that it was something I truly did when it was possible**

For me to breakdown my ideals of Love, Adventure, Spirit, and Fun-Loving life-chances.... We killed that Guava Rum Straight on a night of reflection that was unlike anything I have had a chance to feel, or perceive to be real...

As soon as I got back, me and the on-campus security guard had a chat that made spectators smile a lot because I was tuned frum the Crum Rum and I guess I had languages asking them to charge me to let me in my room as I do not have a spare key when I lock myself out every once in a while... See, I looked at 'em below from over the balcony and as I kept running my Crum Gums or my languages, they just smiled from below and laughed under their breath cuz it was hilarious as hell how I was talkin' to the cop. He is a good officer though. He really is. He means well even though he acknowledged a point in time when he wanted to cite me for indecent exposure. But as I had spoke with my Rum Language while he let me in, Rum everyone below me was laughin' they asses off :) That made me exert a very just and hilarious interaction between me and that on-campus security officer who I am already all too familiar with*

I have the Private Paradise that all the erotic imaginings live rabid at. A tropical embodiment of fantasy that is locked within a fantasy for the future... Ain't that sum shit : ) I seen her tan as hell, hunched over within rhythm that insinuated freedom, fun, sexy fantasy, and luminous 'Best Friend Imaginings.' She flew up out of herself in ways that transcend Hollywood's Tightest Tropical Cimina :) AghHAAAA!!

Quite the mind to think of that kind of shit maan :)

12-14-2009

The Mermaid's Chair

Today me and my homeboy from the West Side, Max, we went to the place I was at me and Stino first went to find the Mermaid's Chair. It was Sandy Bay. Before that though, we went to the Mermaid's Chair. I have never seen it before and Max helped it happen. I was so enthralled that I came up outta myself. It was one of the most geographically gorgeous things I ever saw in my life. On one side of the Mermaid's Chair, there was the Caribbean Sea. On the other side of the Mermaid's Chair was the Atlantic Sea. It was stunning.

After we took photo records of a place billions will never see or even dream of, we went to sandy bay and ran to the waves of 80 degree sea water in December. People at home would never even believe such dreams to be possibly fathomed. It was a exactly like Endless Blue. We went swimming into the waves. I ran into it like this shit won't exist next week or ever again in case I couldn't live long enough to return to the Caribbean someday like I plan to. And maan :) I sprinted into waves that were 20 feet tall. I let the undertow throw me around like I held no power to nature at all. I lost my bandanna because those waves were ruthless and enthralling. It reminded me of the summer dreams that surfers live through TV screens, but it was better than pipe dreams because I actually lived it for myself* There was some faint duality about a person I wished to enjoy such fantasy with while I was there. But I also know that this is a place I will always know I could go to in life later when the chance presents itself after I have to deal with the real world all over again~

~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~
~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~
~~~~
~~~
~~~
~~~
~~~~
~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~

As I Left on my last day there, the people of St. Thomas acknowledged me to be one of the most enlightened, exuberant, hilarious, interesting, special, and spirited people they have had a chance to meet or see at such a place. Those kind of opinions don’t come forward in the mainland much. People in regular mainland states often don’t look at you twice or care to express insights like that.

I got to finally catch up with my St. Thomian brothers King Mera and Prince Johnny Link. Johnny was pumped to see me again after it all. He introduced me to his lady friend Lisa,

“This is my friend Crum. He’s a really good guy. He came a long way.”

She smiled. I also met a man who knew Mera for 15 years and he’s Scottish and Irish so I told him about the Giant’s Causeway. He dug it a lot after knowing about all the things I discovered in Ireland. I told him about OVER THE NINE WAVES. I told him about the Magic of Ireland. It was pretty awesome. I didn't know the next day that I'd be on my way to a Puerto Rico airport where I was to breakdown about things that were personal to me.

People couldn’t tell, but I was stunned every so often with flashes of surfacing emotions from things that had me pretty heart-broken. It was kinda crazy to think of the people I love at home who feel the season of winter every day while I was locked away in the season of summer till Christmas comes. I listened to my mother become sad over the phone the night before I went to fly home. She is only sad a few days out of the year. I talked to my dad and let him know how much I missed him and mom and that I’m really looking forward to being able to say I made it home. Home is a tear-jerker though because I got cut-off from the world I know long ago and some things couldn’t really remain the same. My family always made the most of what was available and they were the ones to become stronger and truer than any people I’ve ever met.

I was involved in about 3 or 4 books here in St. Thomas. One of them was my own that is being published right now. These people really took care of me in times that it was hard for me to do so on my own. I remember something my brother King Mera told me, “Chronic, I am absolutely honored and privileged that I had the chance to meet and know you. I love you more than anyone I’ve met for all the people who have come to and from this island. If ever later in life God almighty sees it in our futures to cross again, I will love to see you again and all adventures will be beyond all of what has been..”

I told him, “If I can live to see 2011, 2013, or 2016 then I will be back someday. I have met so many Caribbean friends who really want me to be in touch with them for all time and I’m wanting to return if I don’t die young. But I have to go and deal with the real world again man. I have too much debt, medical issues, and priorities to make right. But someday, I’ll come back and tear it up in Dominica.”

I also met up with David who was my friend from Columbia that told me about Columbian and Brazilian women. I met him 2 weeks after a friends birthday back at home. He told me, “They can do bad things to you, but their own magic is good enough.”

That kinda stunned me because of how significant and symbolic it seemed for things that were dreamed in my mortal past life before my Caribbean capstone. He has no clue how much he taught me about something so close to home.

I had to carry 120 LBS of luggage through the airport with a broken hand. I had nothing other than an honest face. For everything I needed help with, people were somehow sincere enough to lend a hand to me when they have never known my face at all. I was worried to tears about how I was going to afford my way home because every American airport charges ridiculous expenses for things that should be provided in good generosity. I couldn’t get a hand-truck to carry my luggage without people telling me to dig in my wallet for what I didn’t have. So me and my broke hand just took on everything and got through anyhow.

A man named William from St. Thomas seen such a somber emotional face I couldn’t hide even as I tried and he was like, “Hey man, are you alright?”

"Sometimes. Can you tell?”

“I can see you got a lot on your mind man.”

“Yeah, taxi-cab drivers took advantage of me and I was left with no cash there after so I’m just trying to find my way to the other side of America and I’m worried about the federal expenses for carry-ons because they are not things I can afford. But once I get home to my safe-haven, I’ll be ok. It’s just been a WYLD ride thus far.”

Anyway, he came to find that I was the only man that was an National Exchange Student at St. Thomas and he was like, “What do you want to eat man?”

“Anything.”

He took me to a place and filled my gut. This was just a half hour after I had broke down again about things at home. I realized how damaged a lot of my huge-hearted fantasies were for the things I came to know about things back at home. I went from feeling uncertain and tangled to feeling as if I had someone to talk to who seemed adamant about looking out for me. Then something quite amazing happened directly after. As it occurred, all my difficulties seemed to be alleviated for the time being. A man from home found that I was right at the same place as him and what were the chances that he was the person I chased half-way to Jehovah's Witness when I got arrested for defending my sister back when she was in High School : )

Bo Sober came up to me and was like, “Justin Crum?!”

“Holy Shit man, how are you?”

It turns out, Bo Sober was someone I swung on and chased half way to Jehovah's Witness years ago when my sister came home crying from a football game. He grew into an honorable man that was pursuing education in Dominica. We were both surprised to see each other. I gave him a postcard from the Caribbean and let him know about my world travels and how I came to be an International Exchange Student at St. Thomas in the Virgin Islands. I let him know my life is an open book with an honest conscious. He had to go to Atlanta on a different plane flight than mine. It turns out, there are many people who seem to have heard about my person that I will never know in my life. My brothers Johnny and King Mera are probably reading my internet book right now :]

I remember the night before I went to my flights, Vernel and her friend Rosa got caught in an Astrology conversation with me because I seem to know more about astrology than anyone I’ve met yet though I always declare that I don’t believe in it as much as I understand it.

Rosa was a Pisces and I told her about the phases in the life cycle, the places on the body, the signs and their one word verb or actions that describes what they live their life by, and I also told them that every sign is of an element as well as the ones that are cardinal. She thought it was out-of-this-world what I told her about her feet. Their were many people who wanted to come home with me to the West. There were many people who wanted me to stay as well. It was all quite an incredible experience.

And now I’m sleepless in Seattle.

Contractor or Mother?

A Builder built a temple,
He built it with grace and skill.
Pillers joints and arches,
All fashioned to work his will.
Men said as they saw its beauty,
It shall never know decay!
"Great is thy skill O' builder!
Thy fame shall endure for aye."

A Mother Built a Temple,
With loving and infinite care,
Planning each stone with patience,
laying each stone with prayer.

None praised her unceasing efforts,
none knew of her wonderous plan.
For the temple the mother builded,
was unseen by the eyes of man.

Gone is the builders temple,
Crumbled into the dust.
Low lies each stately Pillar,
Food for consuming rust.
But the temple the mother builded,
Will last while the ages roll,
For that beautiful unseen temple,
Was a child's immortal soul!

(The night I got back home from the Caribbean, I got in another accident. I Totaled my Pathfinder the morning I went to Ashland. It got destroyed beyond recognition. As I crawled out of the vehicle down in the gully, I found this peice of paper my Uncle Rick told me to guard with my life. I slipped it into my coat and couldn't make sense of anything because of all the shock and impact. I read this after I found my maglight. He wrote this on July 23rd, 2008.)

Imagine

*****

Imagine there is a one-word answer for everything that is attributed to a higher purpose. Imagine there is a one-word answer that shatters every pattern. It is the embodiment of everything standing against the world that lives for freedom, forgiveness, energy, fantasy, and blissful insanity. This one-word answer is everything that can turn confusion into focus during times that the Sun don't shine. Imagine yourself to be void of everything that held you back. From your highest desires, this product illuminates the greatest wishes that create a portal to anything you want in life. It is in your mind, heart, hands, and soul and it becomes harnessed with internal control. It exerts itself as your spiritual health grows, glows, and goes into the world, yet remains underwater. As you sleep, you begin to awake. As you open your eyes, you see a new world where everything before was merely recollections to lead you to a higher peace as each full moon passes. The brightest Brazilian girl manifesting her perfect world. A place where snow shines. A place where summer stays.

~~
~~~~~
~~~~~
~~~
~
~~
~~~~~
~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~

My Time in the Islands

The Way Your Bathed in Light Reminds Me of That Night

~~~Table of Contents - Aside From The Daily Post of Cyber Diaries~~~

The State of Oregon Vs. CRUM

Something I Learned From a Spirited Fellowship

Adventure and Restoration

The Baths ~ Nature's Best Kept Secret****

It Wasn't Supposed to Happen Like That, Butt it doesn't mean that it couldn't of~

Dear God

My Uncle Rick Told Me Something From a Hospital Bed On The Night Of Christmas in 2009

~I Have Something I Got Off My Chest~

To Who Would Follow God in Another Time or Place

Locked in a Place Where No One Goes ~TOOL~ The Phoenix*

Soon as I Get Home : )

And Mother... (And Maybe a Beautiful Another...)

After I Got Back!!! I Went Home In November butt Returned to St. Thomas and Found... (Wow) : ]

The Natural Life? Nah, Not Me...

Before I Went to Ashland...

It Was a Ghost ********* Where Did I Go Wrong???

And Seal Said...

The Purpose Driven Life*

These Were My Other Internet Books... The Last 2 Are The First 2 From Here In The Caribbean*

I Thought This Was Crazy...

This is What it Is....

War After Water... (Written In Alaska in 2006)

My Islandlife Flashback

Atlantis

~This Is The Musical Story of an empowered Woman Named Magdelena~

I Love My Parents So Much I Tell The World

~Today~ November 4th... Still Summer 4 Me....

~The British Virgin Gorda~

I'll Never Know ~ You're Ready to Go ~ Alone out in the Cold? lol : ) That Damn Park Maan : ]

Places of St. Criox

She's The Sexiest Thing I Ever Saw*

Angels on the Sideline Again ~ Benched Along With Patience & Reason

More Then Just a Little Curious... Your Amends*

Madame Guyon

Cruminal? Criminal??? Nah... Never : ) The Difference is U and not I ~ Jus Media Records*

A New Consciousness???

How It Could've Been ~ Wish Ya Woulda Let Me Fly You There

Believe in Yourself

If I Could Do It All Again, I Might notta went...

This is Where I've Been...

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

The Day After A Breakdown...

No comments:

Post a Comment

My Cousin Heather

Island Life

Who I Am...

I Spoke Of Who Once Was...

Before I Came Home From Ireland...

Blog Archive

~Radiant~

Me and Dara: The Woman Who Helped Make a Lot Possible

Irish Coat of Arms*

Me And My Ireland Friends*

About Me

Water Fountain, a Light, and Some Fishies...

I'll Tell It Like Dat

Motor Cycles 2 Days Before My birthday.

Maybe This Was That Butterlfy I Had a Dream About Weeks Ago

~Mars and Venus~

A Blast from the Past*

These are my Caribbean Brothers

After I Came From the Sky Cryin' in November*

Me and Wendell...

The Stars Said It, Not Me...

Oh The SMOOTHIES the RUM

Governement of the Virgin Islands...

Me and My Friend Kerry*

From The Boat To Saba

Aite...

See...

~Places I Can Say I've Been To~

I Jumped In And Never Thought Twice

I Touched It

OASIS OF THE SEAS!!

One of the Most Memorable Days at the Jungle

~Sunrise~

~Table of Contents - Aside From The Daily Post of Cyber Diaries~

* 3 Libras Alive and Well *

* GOODBYE ST. THOMAS *