Pusser's Pain Killer?? Bahama Mama??! I'm Down : )

Full Moon Rising... Each One Means Something Different ~ My Favorite Was The One in August* The One That Strikes Me Extremely Curious is the one of 2010* No Reason Particular, butt Fore sight might lead me to be bewildered* Such an experiment to consider for an uncertain near future of winter radiance~
















An Island Hop* From One Fantasy to Another ~ With No Remorse* Wish Ya coulda Made It Sweetie:)




White Magic?? The Only Literal Magic I even Care For Besides Celtic Legends*




I went to the Green house and I drank a Pusser's Pain Killer with my own pain killers. I killed pain first than I drank a Bahama Mama. 2 Drinks, 2 Pills, 2 Bowls, And a Broke hand from the Jungle.

I told my boy Max from Cali that when get back to the West, I am gonna get x-rays of my hand and develop them into a poster.

Since the jungle and the way I re-broke my hand, I have been eating my 'doctor-vitamins' for pain-related thangs. Physical pain never bothers me as much as the other 2 types even though it is the other 2 types that show no visual scar.

But to eat a buncha Rum at tropical places I still ain't seen (even though these days is my end), I drank a particular Rum-Painkiller at the Same time I took onna Bahama Mama!! :)

My Children's Book Came Together ~ And I Had a Dream of a Distant Angel*

Just a Thought* A Goddess Mermaid among the Tropic Dolphins*














This is something I saw on the Wall where I published my first children's book at*
















And When I Would've Loved To Leave America Behind for Something More~

It Seems That Sometimes I see more in people than What they actually see themselves for... Imagine*



I had an emotional day in a way. I had a rough draft printed of my first published book. It is Irish Island Pirate Crum. I got back and felt like I mighta been havin' a hard day because I just needed to sleep a little. I took a nap...

I had a dream that I was standing 3 feet in front of a really cute angel. She had her hair pulled back and she was crying right in front of me. I remember her eyes because she looked in mine with them. She told me she couldn't wait for me... I understood. Then I woke up. I would've chose to hug her though*

Cut My Hand With a Chainsaw ~ Tore it Up in the Jungle ~ Found the Thrill ~ Heard Kind Words ~ & a Cannabis Seminar*

My Caribbean Brothers Joe and Ray*

They had my back about it all man~




















In the jungle today, I gouged a wound in my hand with the chainsaw. My good buddy Steve Prosterman bought a new chainsaw for me to be unleashed with. I broke 2 of them already (or maybe 3 or 4). So this new chainsaw was about 5 times more powerful. I cut my hand open with it. It made a boomerang in my hand. It thought that was symbolic because I left home once to chase certain things, and now, like a boomerang, I am coming back to the Yellow Brick Road: Home.

What was such a beautiful out of this world memory for me in his jungle I work at, is that I cut down the hugest tree in his whole exotic forest. It was a tree that was so tall it must have been several centuries old. Once I fell it, it opened the whole jungle to a gust and sudden rush of wind. I watched it timber, then through the ravine, the element of wind was released into an enclosed jungle. It was so magical and awesome. I'll never forget it maan*

Then me and my bro Joe went on a cruise through the island. We listened to The Thrill. It is the anthem of my Caribbean Dreams. I realized after letting go, that once closure came, so did everything else. Maybe letting go of everything means that you might actually have everything* As I was by myself (not really literally) it dawned on me how many things I made happen. You win some, you lose some... But I guess you live to travel and give again. Everyday is something I am thankful for because I still remember that I am not even actually supposed to be alive... I mean, I am, of course; Meaning it just must not of been my time. But I am only here because I made the choice to be. The day of my accident, if I would have chose to lay there and suffer after hitting the trees that hard, I would have passed on in 15 minutes. If I would have been transferred to the hospital I was literally saved at in an ambulance, I would have died on I-5 on 4 wheels. If it wasn't for me snowboarding down that mountain after I didn't even know where I was once I hit the trees, and if it wasn't for the helicopter Paul called for life-flight, I would not be here right now. I would have never discovered Ireland... Or a friend... Or the things I had to feel here in the Caribbean. People still ask me about my scar and my tattoo all the time. There has been so many people who have made it a point to go out of their way to say that they will miss me so much.

It reminds me of a dream I had the morning I seen someone for the first time back home. In that dream she said she missed me and she was wearing red and leaning on my shoulder with a truthful smile that indicated a happiness that seems vague and vivid. She was wearing red, which indicated something in my interpretations that I am choosing to keep to myself. Something that may present truth or not in times soon enough. We'll see.

But for the people here who ask me when I am going home, many of them wish me to stay. I have too many medical problems and this place ain't home in my eyes. It is a Paradise to come back to soon enough. I ran into Gemma again, she seen my internet book for the first time. A lot of people have at this point and their first description is the word 'interesting.' I seem to hear that a lot. She said she is going to show all of her friends in Dominica because she believed it to be really cool and she was thrilled to see that I put how we met in my internet book about my island life. It is everything people in Dominica would love a lot.

I gave Vernel a post card of the beaches I'm from. She was always a very sweet woman who exerted kind words and genuine concerns in times that despair was clearly in my eyes. Sweetness and concern are 2 things that only someone like me would appreciate immensely. After getting food, I saw a homie here who had a long sad face.

"Rashad, whats wrong man? I see you looking solitary and sad over here. What's happenin'?"

"I lotta shits goin on maan."

"I know, I can tell. Thats why I'm here."

He smiled. Then I cracked a lotta hilarious humor and talked about 2pac and one of our Professors I imitate really well. He went from being sad to smilin' in an instant. I like it when people smile after havin' been sad. I say that for myself as well.

Somethings in my past life I can't shake. Home is just days away and it seems that I am just as nervous as I am comfortable. I'm just as enthralled as I am overwhelmed.

Now~ :)

My brother Joe from Orlando had a psychology presentation to do in his class. He chose to do a presentation on medical marijuana. I was his show and tell!! See, I represented Oregon and my card and gave a seminar in the class about my medical conditions. About how I eat 3 drugs and use one medicinal herb. And every single one of them are documented and validated through The Department of Human Services, and afforded by the Oregon health plan, which is some of the best medical coverage possible for someone like me. This show and tell was hilarious! Me being a cannabis activist at the same time I was bein' a scholarly comedian, these people got a kick out of it. I explained every medical benefit that outweighs most pharmaceutical concoctions that have adverse side-affects. They were very entertained and just as equally curious. Before this though, Joe was so pumped because I brought a lot to the table for his presentation so much that his excitement was something he rehearsed before class.

He says, "I'm gonna play a Slightly Stoopid video to set the mode, then I am gonna hand out the flier I made with all medical truths according to federal sources, then I am gonna read my paper, then I'm gonna introduce you and you gonna take the floor for it aite? Like, 'This is Justin Fuckin' Crum.' Those was his exact words. God, he was pumped for me man. That was quite a moment. It gave good flashbacks of my past life last spring with the girl I really liked a lot... Lady Nina*

Biggest Ship in the World ~ Smallest Island on Earth ~ Savanna Underwater Caves**

My Brother Joe, Holdin' Down What Everyone is Taking On




Never Felt Better Ever*











I Damn near went to Puerto Rico today. Our last Dive of the Year and we went so far away from St. Thomas. I ain't never seen such a thing in my life. A place called Savanna. I went through several underwater caves. I think it was about 70 feet deep. I went through a current underwater as well as a luminous water channel that took you to a hidden light above. A surface hole above a deep underwater cave tunnel. I was dumb-founded.

Then I saw myself looking at something that was literally huger than the Titanic that was sunk after being shipped from Belfast. That was crazy to me. It was fantastic*

THE OASIS OF THE SEAS!! : )

Dr. David Hall & Myself*
















Scuba in the Caribbean


There is over 20,000 tourists here in St. Thomas right now!!! My Caribbean brother Lamont is gonna swoop me and Stino and we gonna go find it after my last scuba dive!! How fun.

It is over at Crown Bay right now, just passed KRUM BAY. Sometimes it's spelled like way it was when I was in high school. It is the hugest ship in the world with all kinds of stars, and powerful people.

I just met the president too. I spoke with him in his awesome office here at UVI. He asked me what caused me to select this place of all places. I gave him my answers and also let him know that I found there was a Bay here that is my last name. I also told him about the values of gain and loss. I told him of the adventures I had here as well as my observations about the island anarchy and crazy crime rate that transcends New York City. He asked my major and what I enjoyed about the classes I had here. I told him that his speech is in the first section of my island life here in the Virgin Islands is something I included into my electronic journalism. Something about how "Faith Conquers fear. And hard work is mightier than doubt."

I told him of all the great things I had a chance to see and say. I let him know that my professors learned just as much from me as I had from them. He was curious about my parents* I told him all about them~

I'm gonna go to the reefs for the last Caribbean Fun dive of my time here and after, I am gonna take the pictures of this world's largest vessel**** + **

And Dominica?!! Gemma Thanx!! Champaign Reef?! Aite* I'll be back*

My Dominican Summer in 2012??!
Maybe If I Wanna :)















I Know there isn't anywhere I CAN'T go.

"Hey, I was looking for you."

"I'm Here."

"This is what I told you about on the Safari."

"Yeah?"

(It turns out, on the way back to my residence in North here at UVI, I came across a woman who was asking of me on the safari. She told me she is from Dominica and she noticed I dive deep because she seen me walkin' with my fins.)


(earlier in the day on the safari)

"What's your major?"

"I do video production, media, music, and books. Basically creative works I guess."

"Your not marine biology?"

"Nah, I got scuba here and history courses too."

"We run a dive shop down in Dominica and we've noticed you. I have something I want to give you."


It turns out, right when I went back to my room she found me where I said I'd be. When she found me, she told me about Champagne Reefs and how Dominica is the most Beautiful underwater adventures. That there are species there in that sea that aren't anywhere else.

Champagne Reefs in Dominica is underwater springs that are HOT.

She gave me a DVD from the company that is laced with contact information. Before she left I said, "You haven't formally introduced yourself to me."

"I'm Gemma."

"Is that spelled how it sounds?"

"Uh-huh."

Thanks, I'll be back when I can escape the real world again later on. I'll hit you up*

The People of St. Criox Said...

The Lessons of the Rastafarian Lion. Cannabis was a Holy Herb on Soloman's Grave back in ZION'S day. Everything Bob Marley Martyred for*

They talked to me for the last day of class. They were in St. Criox but they were talkin' to me through the Class Room WebCam Titan-trons. They all think I'm hilarious. They kept laughin' at me through somethin' between a class in St. Thomas and St. Criox that is a lot like a Giant SKYPE account. They all wanted to know where I was from and if I was staying. It was quite a moment. They speak to me from a whole nother other island. They took my email and told me they wanted to see my internet books. Heather and Megan and a few others that were really cool. They busted up when I told them that the Holy Herb comes to me medically because Solomon says so. They thought a lot of the Pirate Life was awesome.

I also realized I meet the President Tomorrow. He has granted Videography and photography with no problem. The Oasis of the Seas is gonna be at Haven Site tomorrow and all of St. Thomas is gonna be as populated as downtown Dublin when I was runnin' through a sea of pedestrians in 7 different directions* Whoa. I also go on my last Caribbean Underwater Exploration Dive.

All these people got me goin' out with a bang man. They are all givin' great goodbyes and taking pictures with me. I'm gonna miss them a lot* They are awesome, hilarious, and true here.

I always swim~
I gotta write my paper on Machiavelli too. My Dad raised me very Machiavellian even though he wouldn't know what that means.

I haven't felt this good in my new life ever. My past life is something that activates modes of thought about a lot of this coming radiant winter(things between me and her), but as of now, I'm starting to feel some of the greatest things ever as I know all the things I have to look back at that are not worth discounting. I went and worked on my children's book this morning.

This Island Life of Mine.... I'm Enthralled*

I Listened to a Collective Soul song that reminds me of a couple lost souls* It was HEAVY.

Then I heard a song that reminds of my Uncle that is incarcerated forever.

Our Lady Peace ~ Innocent

For the Collective Soul song, I caught recollections of my past life. That made me smile*
When I heard Innocent, it made me pull a few tears off my face.

~~~~~~~
I Went to a fellowship this morning. My spirit wouldn't know what to think, feel, do, or say so I was unsure of what to pray about or wish for on behalf of myself and the ones that I care for or deem to be important. There are so many of them but I'm returning to something I wouldn't have known of in a long time. My conception of time is a little different than most peoples though.

I never felt more liberated then today. On Tuesday, the same day I meet the President here, the HUGEST SHIP IN THE WORLD IS COMING TO WATERFRONT. All of St. Thomas is being rerouted and detoured because the hugest vessel in the world is coming close to Haven Site. It is three times huger than the Titanic from BELFAST. I'm absolutely enthralled!! It's called 'The Oasis of the Seas.' The dolphins would be cruisin' in packs. And...

That will be the last scuba dive of the Caribbean in underwater explorations for me here, for now. Last Tuesday I saw an octopus for the very first time underwater. I spotted him and gave my dive buddy a heads up because no one has seen one of those yet. I saw him cruisin' through the corals...




My Plans For Mt. A.
















There was a woman here who seen me sit next to her. She told me it was frustrating because she takes female formula pills for things she cannot do.

She says, "You look so good. Your black bandanna, your black shirt, you turn me on."

"Well thanks for being forth-coming but I'm not trying to do that."

"I know, your just a very intelligent interesting man. You told me a lot about those spiritual stories of Jesus."

"Thanks. It was an honor. Take Care."

I had only so much time before the fair here by the bay. So I took myself to a place I was to present writings at on behalf of the Writer's Block from UVI. It was the published questions from Caleb, a Lunar Aquarian; as well as all the things I remembered. Things I learned. So I went to the fair then I went swimming for hours*

I Recorded a Lunar Moon Rising**

And after a Radiant Winter Passes By Before I Know, Once I'm Home,
Spring will be here again and I will Jump in My River after work every day I'm dirty.

















Every Full Moon means something different. We evaluate time by a Calendar very different than the souls that existed before print and civilization. Before technology existed, humans of Paleolithic eras or more ancient eras evaluated time by the constellations and cycles in the sky. All Full Moons indicate something.

Tonight I recorded the Last Full Moon Rising of this year for me here in 2009. It doesn't seem like things people at home would think of because it is the Last Full Moon of the Year but it is Summer to me here. The Caribbean is Badass! I do not discount this experience at all and I became more than I thought possible just because I decided to go for it.

Before a second chance was granted to me the day I became slightly paralyzed in my accident, I had a moon sign that was of the virtue experience.

As of a decision to calculate Mt. Ashland and that day of my accident as a new Birthday, my Lunar Sign became virtues that are ideal.

For a Full Moon Rising for the Last Time in 2009 concluding an Endless Summer of mine, being a Lunar Aquarian, I also discovered that I can likely be some one who harbored Pisces as the essences for the planets of war and love (Mars and Venus). I find that to be quite incredible.

And I Also...

A COMBINATION OF EXOTIC NATURE AND EVERY ELEMENT ~~~~



















Went Skinny Dippin'.

Exerted Fire outta my eyes today...

Met a man I found in the Park I went to Publish a children's book in...

I felt a surge of encouragement at the same time I damn near cried about how happy I feel knowing I'll see my parents soon enough. I miss them so much.

My Tattoo came alive again...

I had my recollections about talking to a close friend in Portland, my friend Mackenzie. She was always loyal and true.

I also realized that even though I lost what I thought a lot of at one point, perhaps there is more in store for me. I miss her so much though.

Dear Tony... Thanks For Your Support and Prayers* It Helps a World Like Mine ~ More Than You Know*

Your Counsel is one of the Brightest Insights I've Heard.
And I Believe in your Words~

Whats up Tony,

It's spirited brothers like you that I appreciate in a world like this. I thank you so much for your prayers and support. Your story really lifted my spirits. Yet, at the same time, I feel like I might be in limbo about admitting to myself that I should let go. It's been a wild ride in this life of mine. I really got out and saw the world. Even if it meant losing an amazing ****. I wouldn't know that things could make any sense any time soon because I am only days away from leaving summer to enter an instant winter. I have already felt the reverse culture shock and instant seasonal shock too. Here I am in a tropical Paradise thinking of Christmas and December when my head, heart, body, and spirit are still very much locked in what feels like a lot of August. I admire your grounded foundation as a good man in a wicked world. You are so down to Earth that people like me are just as awesome in your eyes as all the people you come across in an awesome fellowship. Thanks for your help Tony. Take Care...


Best Regards
Justin Crum

~Saturate~

These Island Night Life Moments are at their end now...

I am going home...

There is no place like HOME.

















I Woke this morning from a dream that I was not comfortable with at all. It made me feel a certain way that just made me say, "Shake it off Crum." It was kind of a sad way to start the day. Yet at the same time, it kinda triggered past time emotions that I can't validate right now. A Universe in a person.

After feeling that way by beginning the day, I chose to listen to a song that reminds me of home. It is called Saturate by Breaking Benjamin. I never used to listen to it at all because of how soft and unenergetic it initially sounds. I realized that the last half of that song has everything to do with what I felt after I the things I've been through in 2009. I just turned it up and cried at the same time I enjoyed it. A really emotional musical piece having to do with staying alive forever...

Then Shakira came at me randomly... Singing about being 'Ready For The Good times.' Thas a helluva fantasy man...

Hola December, I Remember...

I remember how it felt to be free.

I remember just yesterday a man I ain't met yet told me I remind him of Mucho Man Randy Savage. And Islander named Jack told me that same thing the first week I was here. How Ironic...

I remember a man in St. John that saw my tattoo outside of the convention and after speaking to me... It acknowledged a 'Hidden Mysticism."

I remember a 4 year old told me I look like a Pirate just three days ago. I thought that was fascinating coming from a four year old.

I remember I wrote a brief sequel to a fictional discovery that entailed a rainy, intuitive November night: Vide Eve Shereken.

I remember how they all became curious about my tattoo over my chest.

I remember feeling things 2 months after my birthday that I wouldn't wish upon anyone.

I remember how my parents helped me with so much more than they ever had to.

I remember being invisible even though I glowed... Even as far back as 2001.

I remember my gravest mistake that takes forgiveness... Whether it is ever requested or expressed the best or not.

I remember my fears manifesting themselves in worse ways I could've even thought. Nothing is the same and magic isn't always positive.

I remember how hard they laughed because they believed me to be the most hilarious and entertaining man they came across. They feed me free rum just for comin'.

I remember being all up in Nature's Best Kept Secret on 11~11.

I remember how I cried in the sky as I went to fly back to the islands for a couple weeks.

I remember how the LifeHouse songs came on at particular times that clarified wishes that I guess might have been blessed in disguise.

I remember feeling the best and worse things of my life in 2009.

I remember speaking to Christiana in L. A. while I was in St. Thomas before flying home for good.

I remember the airports in L.A. wanted to pat my head in security because I was wearing a leather jacket, a black bandanna, and a metal spike in my lip. I tore my Bandanna off and put it in their hands for them and said,

"My name is Justin Crum and I'm the only man from America that is an National Exchange Student in St. Thomas at the Caribbean. I'm an adventurer, not a gang-banger." She smiled. "Yeah, sorry, I forgot I was wearing a bandanna in California at L.A. of all places." She let me through... And she smiled when she did it*

The People of the Sun*

A Tiger in his Idealized World
Something He Found In Ireland Yet Had at home Too.
It All Came True ~~































This morning I went into campus and the very first song that came on was Boys of Summer. That was a coincidence. Then I noticed at the cafeteria, it played an Avril Levine song called 'Nobodys Home.' It reminded me of my cousin Jessica and the Summer of 2007 when we were at Alaska for the last time.

Sometimes it is of a higher level to have times where my IPOD picks significant songs for the things I feel. It blasted MUDVAYNE: Forget to Remember. The hook is strong. I haven't watched TV since I was a young teenager because I always live life or hear music. I never watch TV. I don't watch TV at all unless it's PRISON BREAK or FOOTBALL.

The only way to listen to what I do... Is loud because if it ain't, it doesn't feel the same at all. Smashing Pumpkins built a tune called 'Eye' on the Lost Highway soundtrack. That sounds amazing when it is loud.

My Night With Sleepy Halo*

I just went by the lobby of east and I seen someone who hasn't came across me since before I went to the other side of America in SOU.

"Crum, how has things been with open mic and writer's block? Poetry?"

"Man you haven't seen me in a while huh?"

"Not since before Halloween man."

"Yeah I was gone for a while I went back home."

"What?"

"I went home between the 12th and the 22nd." Then he asked because he was curious.

"I went back home to Oregon. I had some critical medical problems, four doctor appointments; neurological, anxiety attacks, bad back... I also needed to find my resolves with the woman I love. Then there were financial priorities. Family matters; my grandmother was in the hospital. Got my back worked on... Got some drugs. Came back..."

:) "Man, you really are a survivor." His eyes lit up when he smiled at me. That was somethin' I won't forget for a long time. He made me laugh.

I also have been feeling a lot like myself lately now. So much that I'm realizing a lot about who I am... That Feels Good.

Then Zach De La Rocha says, "This is for the people of the Sun"

Before This Night Ends....

6 Days after I returned from Home*
















My sadness and devastation... I've never felt this way before. I'm forsaken, broken, emotional, and ripped open. I hope no one has to feel the way I do this day. Can't hold it together. Emotionally deep and wounded... In the worse ways possible. I meant well all along but was wronged.















But hope can matter more than hurt.



The Only time I have been at Magen's Bay.
With a Voice That Sings.

A duality of Encouragement though it was never known at all.


After the last time I wrote earlier in this day, my evening and night actually went great. I walked to the beach again. It seems people love my tattoo. When I tell them what it means, they always seem curious. I haven't felt more like myself in a long time. I broke my IPOD sometime before I went home. That was everything that I was never used to. My music is something I always live through and to carry myself through days like this... It couldn't have been done without my IPOD because silence isn't anything that could have helped my situations - due to the fact that some music either distracts, or helps things that I have endured.

As I was walking to the beach and some people noticed my tattoo and liked it a lot, they wondered about my scar below. I also... By the time I actually got on the beach, my IPOD picked a song I once cried to when I was in Ireland. At the beginning of the day, my IPOD randomly selected one of my favorite LIVE songs by coincidence or something more.

As this day turned into good, I learned to inherit a "positive mindset." That was nothing I didn't already know though, of course, but for the things I have felt that no one could possibly know of, I had a hard time pinpointing what it is like because it seems that I grew a lot in one day alone. A person's new skin can be an over-night realization to take on spiritual positives for beneficial situations... Meaning that overnight (or through the night) enlightenment is synonymous with what some people call "salvation." I though, it was more so just realizing the freedom of letting go I guess. I am still more so summer right now and before I know it, I will feel a season I have not even been familiar with in over a year. My body is more "island" right now. There were moments of emotional flashes for things I don't know. Things I will be forced to ponder again once I am close to my family and friends. But as of now... I feel a lot better so much that I can enjoy this island till it's over. I really feel for a friend. I also have been called for all the hilarious fun around here recently too because people like how I say things as it makes them laugh so hard it becomes contagious. I took something from youtube to add something else. The way I felt when I first got here was a lot different than how I feel now that I'm done with these islands for the time being. I read my Ireland Book again... I really liked that one a lot.

I am really looking forward to the Yellow Brick Road.

I Wanna Go Home cuz I'm tired of this Red Hook Road Shit Now :)

As I'm here, the thought of snow... Knowing I almost lost my life in it at the beginning of last spring, it seems so bewildering and wonderful. Literally wonderful. Snow might as well glow through eyes like mine...

I have also created more music too. One to run a music video for through Haven Site*

I plan to play my bass and watch a helluva lot of movies when I get home soon. I am considering watching a lot of movies once I am back in Ashland. I think I already know what the first few would be...

I Learned So Much Today. At the End of November... It Rained* The Dolphins Cried~

As I decided to face myself... I went to receive my own spirited resolve and as I continued to feel things I have never been familiar with, I began to walk into the world and I turned my IPOD on and it always plays random. The first song it played out of more than 2000 was a song about When Dolphins Cry. A song that reminded me of the way I loved Nina before I lost her.

I have learned today that sometimes I don't know how powerful my words and actions are. I woke up this morning after talking to a friend in Ashland last night... My spirit was very weary and contrite. I was supposed to work in the jungle anyway because I am attempting to afford my way home after 2 weeks. It turned out I wasn't supposed to work today. I felt very compassionate about things that are out of my hands... So much that it touched me in a way that became a little difficult. I got back and decided to go to the fellowship here. I have always been one of the most spirited people I've known but home sounds like a tear-jerker right now. This fellowship... I was a new-comer so I received a piece of creative writing that entailed a message: Come once, Come Twice, Come to Paradise.

For everything I learned... It is at the bottom of this page and it is named as: The Day I Let Tears of Regret Fall from my Closed Eyes...

I realized everything I write has an affect. It is now that I wish it all to be good. I am just a man but there is a lot I have to accomplish and there is a lot in store for me... I just felt forgotten once before and it tore me apart so much that my tattoo started to beat tougher than I ever felt. My spirit started to pulse a lot like August when I revealed another side of myself to her as I said goodbye to everything I ever wanted and deserved in life. And more tears fell from some seemingly deep eyes after the regretful things I realized. I wish I would've refrained from leaving some irate voicemails in her phone after she lied to my face the night I tried to talk to her after work. I felt so horrible for overwhelming her when I was home in November. God told me to wait and leave her be but I kept figuratively shoving her after loving her so much. This is the End of November.

I wanna go HOME*

And Ed Said :)
(Oh this shit is Tight)

"We Spend all of our Lives going out of our minds. Looking Back To Our Birth/Forward To Our Demise. Even Scientists say everything is just life, create or destroy/ but eternally bright. They live in the Light. We made it to the moon but we can't make it home."

I have discovered that I actually learn just as much or even more from a lot of the musicians I love rather than just experience and books alone.

Safe-Haven

At home where I grew up at, it was always my beaches.

In Ashland where I live now, it is Lithia Park or sometimes the track...

Here in St. Thomas, it is the Bay everyone says not to be at when it is night time.

I talked to my mom for about 45 minutes. I realized how close I am to home. It isn't that far at all but it seems crazy talking about December and Christmas as I am still in a month that feels like August. It is so Summer to me right now and I know that it is only so many days until I am home in a place that has a lovely winter wonderland. I am looking forward to it because I have already started to say my goodbyes to the people who know me here. I am ready for the seasonal shock. When I got home for a week not long ago, I felt busted up about some things, physically and emotionally; things about my friend that gave up and moved on, my grandmother who was in the hospital as my family had some things occur... Things are better though. Or at least I'd like to believe so. I think I'll have a lot of tear-jerkers to face about having to be re-adapting to some things at home soon enough. It is crazy to think a Narnia Mountain is being pounded with snow while I'm at a tropical summer bay. There will be a lot to get used to and I really miss my friends so much...

From Yesterday...

Thanksgiving was just a hard day to be away from your family on. Thats all...

I am only a few weeks from being back home though... I'm already feeling better day by day... I was kinda down yesterday to be away from my family on Turkey Day."

Take Care sweetie.

Thanks Mom... Dad your hilarious man : )

My Wonderful Mother and Lovely Cousin Heather.. Wish I coulda ate some turkey with ya!! :)

I was kind of sad because it is such a gorgeous day... And everyone is with their families and campus is a ghost town right now. I was a lonely emotional wreck and everyone was gone on this holiday. My mother asked me, "How are you doin'?"

I started to have an emotional flash... So I couldn't speak immediately. I told her, "I'm having a hard time I guess..."

"Wait till Christmas Justin. We can get through this K?"

"Yeah... I just really wish I could have a chance to speak with the people I mean to (Nina) and I also wish I could be home with family too. I feel bad about some of my anger that overtook me last week when I realized how she wronged me all along... I also had a gun pointed at me the day before I flew back to the islands for a few weeks."

"What?! A Gun?"

"Yeah, I thought it was funny."

"Are you being serious?"

"Yeah I am Mom. I'm one person that never has a reason to lie. My life is crazy enough that I would never have to exaggerate at all. You know that cutie!"

"Where was this?"

"Outta town close to the Game Park Zoo... I thought it was a blast."

"A Blast? Oh my God."

Why would I keep saying Thank You? Because I am Thankful...

I went swimming at the beach again... But before I went into the water I was laying on the beach thinkin' of the damage and distance between me and the woman I seemingly loved and lost. A certain song came to mind that I wish she knew of and perhaps maybe felt for as far as the dilemmas between me and her.

And Cher said,

"If I could turn back time... If I could find a Way....
I'd take back those words that would hurt you... And you'd stay..."

Damn Cher was sum shit :)

The 80s actually had an ounce of love and serenity unlike society now. It it easy to see with the music of that time in contrast to the modern music now.

Thanks Giving*******

My Beautiful Mother and my Adorable cousin Heather* :)


My sister sent a Text Message to Me today... It was interesting coming from her of all people. It said something I wanted to send to you (Nina)... It said:

"In Life there are many obstacles one must overcome in search for happiness. During this search, one creates relationships with individuals that alters their course and affects others. On this day of thanks, I'd like to thank everyone who has impacted me and contributed to my happiness. So Thank You. Happy Thanksgiving!"

I found out their were some friends in Bandon who have meant to find me and say hello. That meant a lot to me because here in the Caribbean, sometimes I feel counter-culture as I'm havin' to be adaptin'. I talked to my Brother Dan last night... I told him that I wanted to acknowledge my apologies and appreciations.

"I just wanted to say sorry if I seemed unusual at home. It is one thing to have social and emotional stuff come down on me all at once. But I just... I wanted to tell you that it was just as much my medical problems that had me exerting behavior that wasn't like myself, I guess. I had neurological problems. Anxiety attacks. there were issues with sleep and situational chaos... I mean to tell you that I appreciate you baring with me man, especially at home."

"No worries bro. I could tell you had a lot of things going on."

"Yeah. There was a reverse culture shock I was locked in but my body, head, and spirit was feelin' some weird shit because of the seasonal shock too. I have been locked in a hot summer for more than half a year now and to see all the fall leaves and feel cold, moist mist... It just activated a lot of emotional things within I guess. Thanks for lookin' out for me K?"

"I'm glad you called. I'm in Eugene right now."

"Yeah, I had a heavy combination of things with family-matters, my grandmother in the hospital, myself and my health, as well as the things I realized... Just wanted to say thanks for baring with me cuz I was still in my island mode. All the homies seen that I just got up and walked out of the pub and didn't say anything. That wasn't like me at all and I hope they could forgive or excuse my unusual actions... I just lost it for a little while and I was jet-lagged about time."

"Well no worries man. You took on a lot. Take Care of yourself brother."

"Thanks Dan. Have a Good night man."

Quite a Blessing

This was in Belfast, Ireland.


My friend Ashley Smith called me. She gave a great word of encouragement. I also talked to my mother tonight because I was feeling uneasy and under pressure. It was cool though. It is quite strange to think the world of something like home at the same time your seeing the world for yourself. I am going on a St. John Writer's Block Island hop on friday. St. John is beautiful.

I woke up from a dream this morning... It was Summer but I was at home. I was at the waterfalls I went to once in August. It was where I took Nina before I came to the Virgin Islands. Except it was a little different. Water Slides were twice or three times as long. I dived into the swimming hole and had a blast.

It Felt Good...

Aside from the Governor of the Virgin Islands shaking my hand again the first night I got here...

I Was in the Library of UVI. I was printing a play I wrote for World Literature, Poetry, and Drama. It Was Called 'Caleb and Vida.' It was based on my fictional fantasies of residing in tropic exotic rain forests and waterfalls with an incredibly beautiful woman that spiritually resembled an adorable little girl.

As I was there for the first time since I returned to this island from home, a lady I have never seen or met before tapped my shoulder and said, "Hi. I remember you."

"Yeah?"

"I just wanted to tell you that you have really gorgeous eyes."

"Wow, thanks. I appreciate that. What is your name?"

"Joy."

"Thanks for being forth-coming like that. Have a good day K?"


Then as I spoke to a good-spirited man who has no religious definitions, he noticed me and how I can talk about a lot of religion wisdom or just spirited intellect in general. He noticed things of me and said,

"God is simply a force. God is the force for creative energies, or creation in general."

I smiled.

And Vernel noticed I was gone. Even though I was out of sight, she had me in mind and acknowledged that she misses me. I was thankful to hear that because right now, I'm not sure who does or doesn't...

The Day I Flew Back To My Endless Summer...

11-22-09











It was the day I was to fly back to St. Thomas. I was at the North Bend airport by Coos Bay. Me and my parents had 20 minutes to spare there before I would be in the sky. I kinda started to break about how nervous I was. Its only 3 and a half weeks, but It'll probably be one of the longest few weeks of my life. Tears fell out of my eyes as I said goodbye to my mother and my Dad. I wish I could take them with me. They deserve Paradise as much as I had the chance to see it all for myself. As soon as security called for my flight, I took myself to my checkpoint and gave my parents a hug goodbye...

I told them, "Till next time." They could tell I felt unwell. It was in my voice. My mother knew I was severely sad about what I found out. With a mother like mine: Mom knows best. So instead of them walking to their car outside after noticing my emotions after I said goodbye, they went to the window to watch me fly away. I was pretty busted up about some things. Physically and emotionally. I started to try and hide my tear-jerkers. As I turned away from my parents... They could tell I was nervous and emotional. By the time I went through security, I didn't believe I'd see my parents again until I return again a week before Christmas.

As I went through security and their imperial machines, I got my belongings and noticed my parents on the other side of the glass. I started to become more emotional through the security belt realizing they were still there. As soon as I could take myself down to the plane, I went and put my hand against the glass my parents were on the other side of. Then was when my parents seen my red-flushed face. I told them with my lips, "3 Weeks K? Goodbye." My mother put her hand against the glass.... Then so did my Dad by the time I waved goodbye and turned away. As I turned around, I started to cry as I took the escalator down to my plane. Once I was on the plane, as I was in the sky and hoping to handle life for what it is in 2010, I'm just honestly trying to make it to Christmas even though tomorrow is going to be summer all over again. I wonder if I might have felt the same as my Uncle when he lost everything he ever cared for and then could only touch a sheet of glass that his loved ones were on the other side of. I've found out what it means to live beneath glass or on the other side of glass. I just didn't know home was going to be so different.

There were 3 historical proclamations about TRUTH.

1) The Truth Hurts
2) You Can Not Handle The Truth
3) The Truth Will Set You Free...

The 3rd proclamation is from the book of Romans if I'm not mistaken.
To be a good guy in a wicked world... I dunno...

Between 11~11 and Friday the 13th...

I went under the gun. Ate Valerian Root. Listened to Breaking Benjamin's New Song CRAWL. And there ain't any right way to listen to it unless its LOUD. At Least 300 watts power period. Made an attempt to be understood. My colleagues, advisers, and doctors tell me I'm a very powerful person and I have endured a lot since my accident and everything after. I'm gonna meet the President of the University of the Virgin Islands soon enough. My Medical Issues don't Stop.

It Was Exactly 6 Years Ago That I Activated 65% of My Mind as I Ate Earthly Magic With Hebert~

See...

Today I felt very uneasy, weary, irritable... I guess it was because as I wished it was just a bit different, people don't know the things I'm up against. People do not know that I might as well be homeless in the weekends because my place of residence isn't what I would call home at all... I listen to my one of my three most favorite songs by Live called 'Run to the Water' and I listen to it on repeat till I don't even notice it as a soundtrack, just the suitable music to put myself in a trance of choice because it means well and tells a lot - yet as of now, their isn't any part of me that feels right about what this time will be like next week when I know I'll be at home. 'Run to the Water' by Live was the majestic soundtrack that inspired me to write these entries. But something inside me felt discouraged and nervous.

I went to change my head because I didn't like the head space I have been in lately. I get really weary, exhausted, solitary, and sad about some things. I already feel such anxiety (literal anxiety, not social slang for 'anxious') and nervousness at the same time that I'm trying to decide my course of action. People don't know my motives for returning home so suddenly and unannounced, but of the person I lost in these happenings that manifested themselves since the summer began before I went to Ireland... I am so...

I envy that Hebert died young. It'd be a lie if I told ya that I never thought of death. I cheated it a few times...

Happy secure people at home, they wouldn't know that feeling as if I am already off the map might be something I could get used to if worse came to worse. I think I have found out who my true friends are. And I wouldn't mind living a low-key discreet life of peace in ways that stays grounded instead of being spread thin or 'everywhere at once.' America is a place I ain't too content in, for reasons that are personal I guess. I felt like killing myspace today because of what it wrecked due to a person like me being a little too 'more human than human.'

Life lately has reminded me of movies I would not mind watching as I perhaps come back home and stay more relaxed.

Cast Away
Free Willy
The Beach
Hostel (Even though I haven't and won't watch Hostel)
Into The Wild
Untamed Heart
Voyage on the Dawn Treader
Swing Dance in the Jungle Book

I Went To Coki Beach. Holy shit.

On The Way there, I came across a bar where they were serving drinks. I didn't know that though. I wanted coconut juice.

They started to feed me rum. They asked if I had someone or not because it turned out, they fed me something they called (in island terminology) liquid, fire, viagra. I was like, 'Huh? Come again?'

They said, "This one is on my sweetie. This is a little easier." Once again, I wasn't payin' to be buzzin' on a tropical beach. They seen some things in my eyes. I guess it was obvious before I began to have a blast. They told me to 'conquer it within.' They asked what kinda rum I wanted.

"What fruit flavors do you have?" I figured it was suitable the first time I am to be at Coki Beach.

'Guava, vanilla, black cherry, raspberry, peach, pineapple, banana..."

I told them to surprise me because it was all an awesome option. I told them they can mix anything if they want too. They were curious and they said, "what two would you like to put together."

"How about the black cherry and the banana."
(I knew that was outrageous innuendo)

They laughed, smiled, and kept asking me if I had a girl."

They also said that what they fed me was a potent stimulant for my healthy genitals.

They said I seemed pirate. I told them I got back from Ireland. Then they asked, "What brought you here sweetie?"

"I'm one of the six national exchange students from America that goes to college here on campus at UVI."

"Oh wow, you getting an education here with us?"

Then they fed me some scotch because I told them I got certified for being a whiskey drinker in Dublin. I told them I would need some water though and that they are a lot of fun to be around. I thanked them for their hospitality and they gave me another shot and told me to come back.


As I seen the Coki Beach... I just went in and opened my eyes underwater for a great amount of time. I lost my sun glasses at the bottom and went and got them a half an hour later. It was really hot, but there was a time when it began raining hard. I love it when it rains here though because it is a warm rain in a hot atmosphere. I swim in the water while it rains. It rained and shined at the same time. I play with the tiger fishies and the rainbow fish too.

Then I went to the World to the Right and found the sharks and a stingray. I got a cheeseburger. Some more post post cards. And they introduced themselves to me and found out who I was and what I do.

Then I went back to the beach and bought an Island Girl Misbehavin' (Which was cream, banana, strawberries, pineapple, and mango with Cruzan Rum) I drank the whole damn blender!! NaNA NaNA.

A Local Holiday Only. Virgin Island's 'Liberty Day.'

It was a day I meant to work at the Jungle. It rained hard and heavy. I have been feeling really tired and weary lately. So much that it is affected my progress a little. I have so much to do and never enough time or courage to do what is on my 20/30 'to do' things that are high priority. It seems that I can have really good, cool days. Some of the best ones in life. Then they can turn to uncertainty and high-strung emotions.

Work got canceled because of heavy tropic rain. I went back, ate some food, and I started to become subtle and emotional. I miss her a lot. No one knew though. I went to walk to Lindberry beach by myself. I fell asleep on this beach I've never yet seen before. I started to read fairy tales of the King and the Small kingdom, the Three Bags of Gold, and a few others too. I had been growing very emotional and drained, so it became hard to do anything other than to role on my side as I tried to sleep at the beautiful beach. I couldn't sleep in my room because of all the chaos. I seem to feel hurt every day. Thinking so much of who I miss at home. Not having chances to be understood. She has no idea that I have respected her this whole time. I have seen her in my dream world. She has such a great smile. But I'm here without her and I don't feel like myself on this island right now. I'm delirious and homesick.

I mean to snap out of this spell but... After I woke up, I went into the water. I swim everyday. And though it sounds beautiful and majestic, I've been struggling a lot. I just dived in and opened my eyes under water and saw all the beauty of another realm of life.

After I was done, I went to the shore and got ready to head back. As I got to the cafeteria, I was beginning to feel my eyes start to release tears regarding things that are becoming faint between me and her. It seems psychologically, my emotions are hypersensitive. I miss my friends... And my friend. I got to my room, and I actually started to break down a bit. It reminded me of when I cried myself to sleep in Dublin a few nights before I got back home from Ireland because I found out a few nights before I was coming home to Nina, that I was going to be gone a lot longer than I thought. I found that out at the same time I found out that I didn't have much time in between. These things caused me to cry probably as hard as the time I had broke down when Hebert died. It wasn't easy. I miss her so much.

I learned in my communication class with Linda Florine that people who live lives that are too solitary, they are statistically more likely to die young. It'd be a lie if I told ya that I never thought of death.

As I was in my room sensing tension and never knowing why, I began to cry but I fell into a sleep before hand. And it turned out that I woke up from a dream that was a.. Maybe a form of reflection to what I had been feeling in reality prior to this. It was a dream about a mythological figure. Someone in a happy hippy valley that became a model of this contrived writing I made when I was 19/20 years old... Vida Eve Shereken.

I Talked to Dani California...

She was pretty cool to converse with. I've known her since we were all young. I told her to tell my Brother White wussup for me. I thought it was cool to talk to her because she actually speaks as much as me too which means that I have a chance to practice listening. As she had some pretty interesting things to say, I had been well-spoken enough to trigger some pretty cool past times even though we never knew each other a helluva lot because I was on my way into my future through Alaska and the Rogue Valley.

She said, "You were like the torch for the teen spirit."

There was a lot of things I could mention that are worth record because people from Bandon know me in ways that people in Ashland don't.

Halloween Nightmare Turned into Beauty...

(The Night Of Halloween, That Bats Went To Swoop On Me)

The Morning of the Best Day Ever...

I Woke up at 4 because of this insanity bell over here. Went to sleep again. Then woke from a horrid, ridiculous nightmare, then it turned into a magnified dream that was awesome and outrageous.

I'm not gonna tell about that nightmare though, this isn't Hostel or the Hills Have Eyes. But the 2nd dream. I was runnin' out of UVI naked. I realized I had a fistful of PJs and I was just covering my tube-steak... I turned around to the fence and everybody rushed by and ran at me or for me. It was cool and crazy. Then it went into another dream that was enhanced to a new scene, a new dream, and a better ending. I met with a friend who I knew from kinder garden. She came to me after finding me in the internet through 4 of the 7 dimensions. As I was with her, she told me particular things I will not disclose. Then when I was awake, I went to 'Lattes at Paradise' and began the Greatest Day of my life. I uploaded records of photography and transcriptions by 200 fold. It was absolutely the most incredible time I've had in this Island.

King Mera and Me... Brothers ta tha Heart...

He picked me up to give me a place to stay as my residence was too chaotic to find any peace and quite or descent rest at. He picked me up. It had been a while. He asked me when I was leaving, I said November 12th. He stopped his car and gave grief because that is his Birthday. I never knew though. He wanted me to come with him and apparently it was gonna be the best and most badass epic blast ever, for the time I am here, because he was to take me to the Virgin Gorda and he had a weekend bash lined up through out the days before and after when I was to fly home for 10 unexpected days. He told me he had the 2 best chefs in the islands that were to feed us like kings.

I told him, "Thats crazy you say that man, because I'm gonna be at the Virgin Gorda the day before I fly home man." He was puzzled at the irony. Then he acknowledged huge-hearted love for me.

He said, "Crum, I have only known you almost 3 months so far and I loved you the instant I met you. I really love the person you are man. Your character, your mind, your truthfulness, the way you talk, how much fun you are. Your a thrill to be around and we're your brothers."

I was like, "Man, I'm already working on a movie for you and Prince Link to keep while I'm not here. Butt I will be back someday man. I've already been workin on a photo-album for you and Johnny man. You'll be able to keep me in good regards till I come back and live here more possibly towards the summer." Then we rode into the tropic night life.

I can already tell I might get emotional about saying goodbye not-knowing how life might be like once I fly from an Endless Summer to an Instant Winter. Narnia is callin' though man.

As he went his own way and gave me a brotherly place to stay so I wouldn't lose sleep and focus for the noise and chaos at the Dorms, I called my Brother and Room mate up ~ DAN. His birthday was hoppin' and poppin' at our pad on the other side of the Nation. His birthday background noise was a blast and I came up outta myself tellin' him about these badass dreams I have made my own. All the people at his party, all his homeboys from D-Town, all the Ashland Crew and mountain friends too... They kept asking about the postcards on the Fridge. Apparently a lot of people in Ashland have been asking of me and my Brother Dan said, "My Room Mate is in St. Thomas in the Caribbean at the University."

Danny was stoked to tell me that a lot of people have been asking of me and hearing that him, of all people, it was his room mate that was in St. Thomas. Evidently I've made a helluva impression on people who I have not yet met. Ain't dat sum shit? :)